For Long at last

2011-02-05T08:29:00.000-08:00

Sucks to realise that you aren't really close to someone you thought u were... Haha. I'm such a sucker so gullible! It's only a matter of time before he or she shows you that you aren't really a close friend. No appreciation. Haha. Sometimes I wonder what's so wrong with being close to a guy or 2 girls being close to each other... Sad really. Ah well. I'm tired of treating people like I would give my life up for them when I clearly know they will not do anything near the same. For once I wish people would reciprocate. But nvm haha... Guess I'm just a sucker a's usual. Life sucks yeah. Ok now that's out of my system I shall just not are about that person a's much. My solid vow to never again fall into this trap which just makes me a 100x more sad. Ah well. Heck!! Bye for now. Time to change my attitude to a bit more don't care.

2011-01-14T16:25:00.000-08:00

You know sometimes I really wonder if the people around me actually want me around... Dinner with jinyi and Denise last night was awesome because I know they wanted mw around but on other occasions you can really tell when people don't want you around. Like when you say you have to go they all say Or one of them says something like "if you need to go now just go Lo, it's okay" making it sound like they are giving me approval to not go. But whatever totally. Haha I always put myself in these kind of situations and friendships were after a while I realise people I thought close to me aren't really that close... We grow apart haha.. Well more like the other party those I'm just stonning half the time and am in my own delusional world were everything is perfect haha.

It hurts when people don't call you to go out and do stuff but you find out suddenly and just force yourself along >.<. Haha. Well now I realised that some people don't really want me around. Don't call me when I'm not there but I call them when they are missing. In the end I think I'm just going to give up on such pointless friendships. Seriously. It always ends in hurt Pehaps if I was a more normal Malay boy I would have more lasting relations like some of my other friends. Maybe Malays should hang with Malays and chinese with Chinese at times... I don't know. Well at the end of the day I don't hate em but that doesn't mean I have to like them anymore I suppose B). Just a hi bye situation. So for now bye.

You don't talk. You don't call. I always have to initiate but it's always me who falls. What's the pt of such sadness. It's time to remove such flaws and move on to a happier light.

2011-01-09T07:09:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wish people would be like an open book like tron or something.... You can just remove their disk in order to figure out what their thinking instead of this guess game that I seem to be playing all the time... I dont even know if youre angry at me or something but I hope if you are you'll tell me soon. Asking you alone is a bit hard. I guess I keep guessing but I'll never really know anything. ALl i do is make peopel angry i guess sigh. Ah well hope it will all turn out for the best soon enough :)... SIGH! And omg tomorrow is Monday and I have almost nothing to do sigh!

All grown Up

2011-01-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

I so needed today. A welcome relief. In a way. Though i was pissed by ... again. But yeah it was my fault this time for going offline so yeah no big deal. Nvm progress of heck caring is at 70% and eventually it will reach 100% and I will finally have GROWN UP. yup thats the word GROWN UP. Time to stop being a child and playing with dispensable toys and get proper ones that I would keep for a lifetime. Im usually treated that way so I'm kind of used to it by now though this last blow was really like the final cut. Now, I have to learn to differentiate between superficial and deep. Yeah. It really is time to GROW UP. So anyway aside from that today was relatively happy went out with annete jasmine elaina k mah and aaron. really needed to be around people after what happened in the afternoon and stuff. Hate that. Lol strange im still talking to ... But yeah ah well ... is akin to a goldfish. No idea whats going on and oblivious of whats happening around him. Ah well. Anyway im still slightly jet lagged but yeah this is normal so no big deal. Tmr is another day where i have to find smth to do... as usual. Maybe going Diane's house on thursday? Not sure. Well I should go get ash from the airport. More like I have to or i wouldnt feel like a proper friend. But happy to do it. Anyway ta ta for now whoever you are.

2011-01-03T23:58:00.000-08:00

I was so looking forward to spending time with you but it seems that you dont feel the same haha. I guess its just my fault for picking a wrong best friend right? Ah well. Your so blur i bet you dont even realise anything. Well you dont read this which makes this easier. Lol. Haha i was wrong to have compared you to her. You're nothing like her and i was being disrespectful to her by comparing the two of you. I regret that now. Whatever. Im sorry Ger for disgracing your memory.

You could have been a little excited about my arrival? But actually you couldnt care less and only bothered like what 14 hrs later? Yeah fetch me? What a lie. Seriously. Yeah ive considered maybe that isnt you but you could at least act like it. Not once did u ask me out its always me asking you lol. One way friendship thats how i look at it. Sure u listen to what i have to say but all you do is say "I dont know what to say" half the time. Yeah it was wrong to tell you all those stuff. I know you say you have no secrets and so like theres nth i know about u that the whole world doesnt alrdy know and most of the time they know before i do. Well yeah they are girls and i expect that from you i guess. You're just like that i suppose. Not an excuse. A fatal flaw in my eyes. Maybe i was just a game lol cose u alrdy have 2. You just wanted a third safety net? well i dont have that luxury. I have none. So thanks yeah. For being a "friend". Jeez a best friend? not even a friend more of an acquaintance. The new year has brought with it this blessing to me! And you know what i really dont care anymore though i cant honestly say i really dont care because i still do. Yeah im on the verge of not caring already. Because i realise you arent worth my attention and time. It just took me 1 year to realise. Lol. Shit man.

I must be totally retarded or something lol. there were so many hints yup but its ok. Whatever man seriously. I think im just going to give up already because i honestly think its better not to have u even remotely in my life anymore. Everytime i think about it, it only causes me pain. So why bother right? yeah :). I think its time to appreciate other people more. Ive been too blinded by you. Cancelling appointments just to hang wid u when you dont know. Lol i must be retarded. there are people who actually want to hang with me yet i cancelled with them to hang with you who dont even bother asking me haha. Lol. Ok i must be such a retarded joker. I deserve this pain and misery. So i can deal wid it move on and be happy about everything else around me :D. Yeah thats the plan. Your the last little flaw that needs to be cut. I just dont have the guts to say it yet. the time will come though :).

Maybe im just expecting too much from u? But even when i put it at the bare minimum haha i realised that.. all I am to u is an online buddy right? lol ok. thats going nowhere. whatever.

a friend?

2011-01-03T09:06:00.001-08:00

To call you a friend would be like saying water makes fire stronger,

to call you a friend would be like saying conditioner first before shampoo,

to call you a friend would be like stabbing an animal.

to call you a friend is a epitome,

to call you a friend the person must be dreaming,

Your nothing but a fake a couldnt care less and guess what i couldnt care-less either.

So thats what u get for being a "friend". Eew i shouldnt even use that word to remotely describe u. And i thought u were a best friend too... what a joke. obviously wrong. Stupid flirt-noobie. Go to hell man. Don't bother making up all your excuses. F u. Seriously.

2011-01-03T07:09:00.001-08:00

Hate u ttm. Seriously. What kind of friend are u ?

2011-01-03T05:41:00.001-08:00

bloody liar. Go to hell this new year and dont disturb me

2011-01-03T00:57:00.000-08:00

Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him.

New

2011-01-03T00:23:00.000-08:00

Well just got back from Turkey and thought that i would post something just to start of the new year. I know i havent been posting at all... not that i have any readers but yeah just needed a place to vent.

WEll with the coming of the new year i decided to try to change my mindset a little. On the plan back and forth, I thought to myself what was the main cause of my unhappiness at times? And the answer is... wait for it... wait who is waiting? Lol. Nvm. Anyway its paranoia. The idea of people keeping stuff from me when actually there is no secret. Albeit most of the time it is true and yeah people are keeping stuff from me sometimes it isnt. SO why bother thinking at all? Why? because Im Adnaan. Haha. Simple facts. Well anyway i decided to attempt to go on my hiatus which is to be completely positive because someone one told me a story that got me thinking. There's always someone much worst of and we should be thankful :). I guess the root of it all stems from my undying need to know everything around me because i fear the unknown and I hate feeling insecure. I guess I just have to accept that people will be willing to tell me whatever it is when they are ready and if they dont, no big deal. Their problems are theirs and mine are mine.... not that i have any problems that are even remotely interesting let alone worthy of a post. (Me whining basically). So anyway just had this idea whilst watching romance shows in the plane (I know strange right.... lol), I decided its time to admit my past and move on. Don't overthink things and dont feel like everyone is out to get you. Easier said then done but this is my endeavour and I hope i can succeed :).

I use to care about things like when people don't realise its me talking and just another friend like in SMS's and stuff. Always thought maybe they dont know me that well or dont want to know me. especially those that are close to me i guess if the shoe was on the other foot there is a possibility that i wouldnt be able to even tell that it was someone else that was typing for them on msn or SMS though there are subtle differences. Haha. Well actually that's a lie. I've never been wrong once (humble much?). But its true. Well anyway i guess i should just embrace the unknown and not think about what lead to it when people are ready they will say it.

Overall :) Its time to be a much much much more positive person and have a positive outlook on life. Live life for me and not for others. As my best friend once said "When you get caught in a fish net, all you have to do is pull your thoughts and yourself together and calm down and you will eventually get out". I know lame much right? Haha but she is the most important person to me ever since and always will be. Yeah.

Well moving on from that, just wondering. I wonder what people think of me? haha :). Ah well better not get too caught up in everything again or i will probably get stuck in square one for the rest of my life.

Anyway biggest change of all, it's time to differentiate my feelings and my emotions. Im too out there and im too open especially to guys. Wrong thing to do. Probably the main reason why alot of people think I'm gay so I cant blame anyone for saying so its my own fault anyways. So yeah. It's time to stop the smiles to guys which makes me seem so gay apparently and stop chatting so much more to them. Strange but yeah i guess that's partially one of the reasons for my many breakups sigh :(.

Anyway i guess everyone knows i like someone. But i guess its never meant to be maybe i should just go with the person who likes me and be happy because i love em too... honestly... I think. Not sure lol. My emotions are akin to that of a primary school kid going through menstruation or something (yes thats a girl thing but yeah i have no other analogy). Ah well its time to let go... and move on.

"As the times change people change" - Ger.

Anyway to finish everything off just wanted to type out something i wrote in the plane which is totally retarded but i might as well put it somewhere for the memories because i will most likely forget it lol and the paper most probably get lost anyways :).

In the light of the moon,

a shaded figure stands; alone,

drenched in sin of his own doing,

Nothing had been wrong,

Everything was right,

His thoughts clouded his sight,

As the moon vanished,

and the sun began to rise,

all that was left,

was but a puddle,

semblance of the dead sea,

taken by his own,

unmercifully,

unwilling,

yet expected.

"Live your life for you and not for others"

....

2010-09-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

Little do men perceive what solitude is and how far it extendth
For a crowd is not a company and people are but a gallery of photos
And talk but a tinkling cymbal, when there is no love

I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

2010-09-12T05:54:00.000-07:00

Who would care when I am gone? I think it's better not to. She's there waiting. She would care and I think she's the only one who could understand me... She would tell me what's wrong with what I'm feeling and also what's right. How the love and pain I'm feeling is a part of me but I think this love is wrong and I should forget it. I try.

How it Felt

2010-09-11T19:25:00.000-07:00

The pain. Sorrow. For once I really can truly say I am ... Not me. So this is what it's like. .. Just can't be together because it's all my fault... It's my fault for having these feelings for someone else. Someone who doesn't know at all. Someone who definitely does not feel the same. Someone who would probably run away if they knew. Someone who I should not be thinking about. Someone I think I love. Someone who doesn't get the hint. And most of all someone who isn't like me. And someone I can't be with because society won't accept it. Why... All these stuff come at once right now. Why? Quit life

2010-09-11T01:51:00.001-07:00

Sometimes you wonder is it truly wrong for you to love somebody you can't be with forever?
Someone approached me long ago saying that he loved someone alot but they can never be tgt because of societal norms and because he wasnt sure if the other person loved him back... Its hard to admit love to someone sometimes simply because you don't want to freak them out. So that got me thinking... If I truly loved someone should I even care what other people think? But then again the person may not love me the same way back (Looking at things in a single point of view). Long ago I used to love someone and maybe I still do but I know that person doesnt feel the same way because I know who that person likes... and anyway I dont think it could ever have been possible because of certain reasons and society would never accept it. Anyway I think that person has been leading me on a wild goose chase... I've always been sharing stuff but that person never really told me anything which means the trust was only unilateral... I dont know anymore. Lucky I have.. to make it all seem better. But sometimes Im so very lonely and i just wished society would change.

^^

2010-08-25T06:32:00.000-07:00

Finally! I got access to the blogger webpage after several 'desperate' attempts ^^. Kind of strange when you can't get access to something you want it more and more even though it's rather inconsequential and trivial to your being. But that's just the way people's minds work i suppose? A truly mysterious void that we ourselves are unable to understand at times.

Anyway, was talking to Ahmed the other day and it got me thinking even more about the concept of "sanity" and "insanity". Is someone deemed insane simply because he does not conform to the norm? Or is it because his actions are rather unusual and unpredictable. With the paradigmatic sea of change we are experiencing around the world, everyone is more compliant to certain norm's around the world even though they are sometimes ignorant and oblivious of who it is that determines these norms. I guess that most people would say that it is simply society itself that has come to an understanding and mutual acceptance of certain norms. But the question that truly astounds me is, where did it all begin? Well i guess some questions should be left unanswered. Sometimes I feel that society simply set's this norms to discriminate against those who would oppose it perhaps making them feel "united" in some sense? But I don't think such an simplistic or even rational argument can exist in society. These kind of strange thoughts mire my mind a complex web of triviality which I am unable to escape from at times. I guess I'm just wasting my time but go figure eh ^^. Sometimes I indulge in escapism; running away into my own falsified reality in order to retain my sanity when I return. Though some people do view me as insane half the time simply because of these thoughts that only serve to bring a cacophony of distress to one's life. I guess I DO NOT conform? It may very likely be true seeing as I usually find myself having desires atypical of anyone else and much of my actions and thoughts show that I am unable to differentiate between people at times; indifference between males and females, straight and not, etc. Everyone has their own perspective and I appreciate their thoughts and feelings indigenous to only them which society scorn's at times. But I guess with everyone person, there is something different and with everything different there is a critic behind it questioning its relative place in society. In some sense, me, saying that I feel that people should be more open to other people's lifestyles is in a way unfair and unjust as well because no human actually has the right to enforce and inhere onto another his or her thoughts. A confusing situation to placate and argue but one worth my time when I'm stoning ^^.

Ok the time for unnecessary rambling is over lol! ^^. Anyway just thought I'd share some of the funny things I hear people say in school :)

Mark: Just as how technology is termed as a double edged sword, It can also be portrayed by saying: " Just as how a gun has recoil " or " Just as how punching someone hurts the hand ". (wth....)

Hakim: HAND PARTY!!! (Follows with an action)

Neusha: How does a water catchment collect water? (-.- lol)

(Ok i forgot the rest and will get back to them later).

Karma.

2010-08-11T01:47:00.000-07:00

I think i deserved it. You are only judged when you are someone who passes judgment without proper evidence and reconciliation about the fact that it is plausible they are not who they seem to be. So many times i've made the same mistake, trusting people whom should not be trusted as well as placing great distrust upon those of whom i should have trusted to begin with. It's difficult for me to chose and evidently, i'm not very good at it. Haha. But it's ok. I've decided to shun all my problems to one side and focus on A levels and not care about others because in the end... the people i care about the most always end up letting me down and vice versa. So i guess, like what i told a friend the other day. Some people arent meant to have best friends because something bad always happens to those of whom are close to him/her. The decision is made. I'll just be the acquaintance from now on. The guy who smiles all the time and just waves Hi and Goodbye. I hate being wrongly accused and I hate being the one to accuse. So in the end. Im just going back into my corner where i should have never left :)

Again & again

2010-07-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

When i decided to finally read broader perspectives as it was collating dust much like a pile of archives in the deepest darkest corner of the library, I discovered how interesting and mind boggling not forgetting ambivalent the magazine was. Though ironically, the first one that I happen to open was about the emolution of our generation. There are so many pervasive and comprehensive views and arguments being brought up to the extent that it managed to culminate in me a desire to read more. Too anyone who possess this visceral and pragmatic edition of the magazine, I strongly encourage you to spare a few moments of your time reading it.

Strange how i feel that my life has always been emo but in reality... There are others with problems far more challenging and intimidating than any trivial and truthfully boring thing in my life. Just as i compared my life to a cacophony of noise and dissonance I find myself wodnering whter if all those days of woe and despair were actually worth it. The answer is arguably a Yes and a No; still unable to make a decision on whether being emo is what defines me or if being emo is what dilutes me. At the end of the day, I find myself swimming in a pool of dark thoughts, largely unnecessary, which actually don't deserve my time of day. As for the people around me, some just end up breaking me whilst others help build me up, people like Joey, Freddy, Jolene, Joyce, Justin to name a few and many many others. Maybe its a balance. Ying and Yang? I think not. Anyway nowadays, i find myself purged of disdainful thoughts and "santified with blurness". Its rather interesting but at the same time utterly confusing. Ah well, it's like listening to the cacophonic melody of parents arguing over divorce or being diagnosed with conditions that only god can control. You wonder if your life truly fair and then it begins. Thank god for my friends who have kept me away from the eternal abyss of apocalyptic thoughts. Thanks friends :). I've been using emoness as a shroud for far too long; exacerbating my existing problems over nothing and losing all rational thought due to this undying urge to just be angry or upset at SOMETHING or SOMEONE. No point using emo as a scapegoat anymore and time to face reality no matter how much i wanna stick my head into the ground.

Though i find it patronizing when people define depression or melancholy as "emoness". Is it wrong to be sad at times? The answer is a vehement no. Why do people sometimes chose to categorize those who have experienced the unbearable fate of lost as emo people? The sheer velocity of this trend is beginning to make me question the existence of rational thought in society itself. Sometimes, people just have to be sad for it is impossible to remain happy all the time unless you're like santa calus on drugs or something!. You see what defines a sad person and differentiates him from an emo person is the very thing that makes them so simillar i.e the cause of their despair. There are those who moan, groan and refuse to pick themselves up and then there are those who take it in their stride. Just because i feel like being alone does not classify me as emo but what i would it, in a stage of acceptance. Its easier to accept certain things and challenges in life by understanding our own juxtaposition in life and to do that, we are, most of the time self-isolated AKA emo characteristic no. 1. Blogging about this seems rather ironic considering I am supposed to be an "emo" kid based on my friends judgments and observations. And you know what? I really can't say that their wrong. As an 'emo" kid I would just say that emo kids have, at times, a tendency or need to be alone solely because they want somebody to care or somebody to just ask them are you okay? Whilst i think there's nothing wrong with that, I guess it's time to stop this felonious act to get attention from the very people who chose to ignore me. Maybe it's because they don't really relate to emo people, in other words, its my fault. And well it's time for a change :). My flagrant disregard for other peoples emotions has resulted in things that I can not take back and hence, I am truly sorry to those who I have betrayed or hurt.

Woah... back to reality Ad! haha.

anyway bye bye for now

Missing u deeply when i needed you the most, my bf.

2010-06-15T06:39:00.000-07:00

Sitting alone amidst the darkest of days,
staring at his own juxtapose,
an image of someone he wants was,
an image of the past...

How he wished to return,
how he longed for everyone to forget,
how he cried everyday,
how he felt pain.

But now his cold heart,
oblivious of everything around,
entangled in an array of disaster,
entrenched in a prison of his own making

Sometimes he wished to be cared for,
he longed for concern,
but now... all is lost,
all has faded to black

His tears had seeped through the cracks,
and he could no longer hide,
looking for pity?
perhaps.

Too strong he stood alone,
trying to be brave,
but each time he ends up falling,
back into his own grave

Alast this story has come to an end,
a story of a man who could not understand,
how to stop loving someone,
and how to let go again,
because when you lose what you've been fighting for,
the world just seems insane,

Alone. Always alone.

2010-05-21T00:39:00.000-07:00

Lyrics | The Fray lyrics - You Found Me lyrics

Just realised how this sums up everything im feeling right now

Life without love is not lost, just need to find it again

2010-05-20T08:06:00.000-07:00

Well i think yesterday was a sucky day... It was 19th May so obviously it was sucky. It sucks every year. Any small thing get's me really sad/angry/angsty so i aplogise to all those of whom i affected haha. It was her birthday :( And well it just sucks to know that ill never be buying a cake for her again, never be getting her a gift, never be going out with her to celebrate and all that stuff. But i guess it's time to let go more. I will always remember her. Because she was the one and only person who always remembered me :). Always. So right now i have to realise nobody can ever replace her and that is not necessarily very bad. I mean there was someone who came close but then I realised that all that happened was that I go hurt because I'll always compare any close friends to her and that isn't right. So i've decided to just live life as best I can and perhaps stop thinking about her? And appreciate the friends I have now :). People like Justin, Joey, Isaac, Leon, Sabu, Azri, Freddy, Joon keat, Andrew, Jermain <3, Elaina <3, K mah, Marc, Joshua, Jess, James, Halim and so many many many more which I'm so sorry but I dont have enough time to list them all out haha. But please do know i appreciate youre friendship so much especially some of you. Without you I dont think i would have been able to make it through those times with a smile on my face. No sense being upset... i.e nonsense lol. So might as well try to be happy all the time eventhough it's really hard.

Everyone is busy nowadays, some more than other's so i've come to understand that some of my friends won't always be there right? Those closest to me seem to be the busiest but on the other hand I'm always extremely busy... I've just been pushing too many things aside and avoiding things like work and responsibility for too long and I've just been using the excuse that I'm out with my friends. Reality is that everyone is busy studying or working or something especially since University is starting soon too so like my Uni friends will all be busy and stuff.... So i should study too eh :). Well study more anyway... Maybe if I keep secluding myself in my little room and studying like a good little boy I won't feel the impending urge to go out or feel lonely all the time. Its time to change because honestly.. Time is finite and we just have to spend it wisely eh :).

"Dont be afraid to be who you are but dont be afraid to change who you are, especially when you truly love somebody"

"Don't limit yourself, anything is possible, and any love is true, friendship is also a part of love, don't lose it, try to work things through"

2 things she said to me :) that I will always, ALWAYS remember.
And to all those people who think im weirdly expressive because i tend to use <3 and lavu and love alot haha maybe if you tried it too you'd be alot happier than you are now :). Its ok for a GUY to be expressive it's just different from the norm and some people just dont know how to react. Haha. Just because someone doesn't show he care's doesnt mean he doesnt care at all It may just mean he doesnt know how to show he cares... there is the off chance he rly doesnt care but yeah dont think about that XD

goodbye

2010-05-19T06:17:00.001-07:00

This is truly goodbye.
The me is gone because hes dead and gone.
goodbye.

Sometimes....

2010-05-18T03:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel alright
Sometimes I feel Happy
Sometimes I feel Sad
Sometimes I feel Angry
Sometimes I feel moody
Sometimes I feel like my worlds come crashing down
Sometimes I feel like nobody really cares
Sometimes I feel really confused
Sometimes I dont know who to trust
Sometimes I trust the wrong people
MOST of the time,
I end up hurt.

Sometimes I just think too much
Sometimes I feel insecure
Sometimes I act too much
Sometimes even my fake smile isnt enough
Sometimes I try too hard to be happy
Sometimes I get hurt really bad
Sometimes I hurt myself
Sometimes I cry because of that
Sometimes I feel happier after that
but MOST of the TIME it just makes me feel like worst

But amidst all the times i fail to see something truly important...

Sometimes my friends are hurting more than I am
Sometimes im oblivious to everyone around me
SOmetimes i forget to care
Sometimes I forget to see the worlds bigger than that
Sometimes I feel so helpless
Sometimes I can't help anyone
Sometimes all i do is be annoying
Sometimes all I do is emo
Sometimes I dont see how that makes other people feel
Sometimes Im so self centered
Sometimes I forget to trust in my friends
Sometimes I forget to be myself
Sometimes that makes people sad
And MOST of the time I can't do anything at all because I'm a self-centered retard who doesn't care enough about my friends yet I want them to care about me. Im truly sorry. Wish i wasn't such a loser but I can't change who I am right. And for anyone who disagrees you should step into my shoes and youll see how much of a loser I am. I trust the wrong people... I get hurt so bad till my heart breaks into a million pieces... I try to keep smiling when im hurting so bad... I reject my friends help... I cry when im alone.. Im utterly useless... Life is hard.. nobody's life is easy.... why do I make mine out to be? I just create my own problems... I just wish I could hide back in my hole and never show my face.... Because right now... It hurts so bad that I don't want to be here anymore. This is the first time ive felt this way... Where i actually TRULY wish to be with her and am happy about it. I know it isnt right and probably isnt what she wants for me... But life here.. just isnt worth it right now.. Gosh here i go again -_-. Well whatever.

P.S I am my own worst enemy and to quote a friend "When you get to close to someone... for some reason everything always turns sour and you always end up being hurt or hurting someone else" It just hurts so bad when the person u truly relied on doesnt realise he/she is the cause of youre misery... It hurts when u realise they dont really care and are better at acting than u....
Goodbye.

tired. really tired

2010-05-16T07:36:00.000-07:00

tired of being the one who cares so much
when he cares so little
tired of being the one
who
always gets hurt when he doesnt even know it hurts me
tired of being the one
who gives out all my trust
just to recieve none i nreturn
tired of being the one
who has to say things first
tired of being the one
who he always lies to
tired of being the one who has nobody to rely on
tired of being the one to be his friend when he doesnt seem interested
tired of being the one without a friend i can trult trust
tired of the fact that i seem dispensible to him or smth
tired of the fact i dont have anyoen to fall back on
tired of the fact that i let myself trust him
tired of the fact that all i do is get hurt
tired of the fact that he doesnt realise it
tired of the fact that im sensitive
tired of the fact that everyoen sees it but him
tired of all the nonsense
tired of all the pang seh
tired of the talks on msn when we dont talk in real life
tired of everything
just feel like dying
sucks. it really sucks and hurts me so bad i could break at any time.
I just give out trust too easily.
Damn myself.
Damn this life.
FML.

Hurt

2010-05-07T05:59:00.000-07:00

So A div just ended and i bowled like crap but whatever. I'm just so utterly depressed about the fact that i don't get the opportunity to bowl with my favourite people anymore.... Today was highly depressive for me.. not different from any other day i suppose. It hurts so bad. Problem is they don't even realise they hurt me so badly its as if everything that we built has already broken down. Probably thinking too much but it's been happening too often recently. The most important person to me doesn't even know or care so why should I right ? life just sucks seriously. whatever i guess it just goes to show that you should pick you're friends wisely or you will just end up hurt again.

Well anyway had dinner with Azri and Sab and i must apologise because i was really down then... for obvious reasons. But you know what nobody really cares so haha i dont care either. Decided just to emo helplessly because there isn't a hand for me to take. Of course i thank people like Joey Jer E K Mah who are completely genuine to me and don't like, pang seh or pretend to be my friends. Whatever seriously. Though there are other's i can't mention all of them haha... Still it makes me sad that i can't actually keep my emotions tamed down. But then again it doesn't matter what i do because nobody really truly asks if I'm okay. And why would they right ? I m kinda insignificant in anyone's life. Well whatever.

I just wish God would bring me to her now... the one true person... always there.. but now gone. Well i guess it's just a matter of time before I meet her up there so it's fine. Nothing left here worth being here for so I might as well leave because i'll just be a distant memory soon even to the one person who i actually trusted with everything. Well honestly he can go and die lol because i can't be bothered anymore. All those people who have smth against me and don't say it and try to talk behind my back... Well whatever it's you're life. You can chose to be a backstabbing bitch and I wont say anything but seriously just f off. Whatever. FML anyway. Seriously FML.

2 post in a day :O

2010-04-28T07:04:00.000-07:00

Ok so im posting again because apaprently the previous post didnt make me feel any better.

Im so lost and confused and hurt and unsettled and angry and I dont know what else seriously. Why does all this have to happen at once. Its really heart wrenching and to painful for me to bear. Seriously. Went to the psychiatrist yesterday night and had a talk. felt a little better but my i can't heal these scars because these are wounds that can never be healed. Ever. I cry and cry but is that all I can do? I burden my friends and that is all I can do. I really don't know what to do. Every single time i wish she was here but she's not. Its been 5 years and I still can't forget, I still can't let go. And now when i need her the most I don't know what to do. He used to fill her space but that's no longer true. Just another person walking by just another person whom hurt me. Just another person I hurt. Crap this is so retarded seriously. I can't even describe the pain. I really just feel like going into an emotionless state. Can't pretend anymore. I just don't have the energy to do so. Not anymore. Im surrounded by pretentious people and I'm always doubting myself some people just take advantage. This is such a hopeless situation ttm. haiz. Its like someone keeps reaching inside my body and pulling out my organs one by one.. what a weird analogy but yeah nvm its fine. You know what frustrates me the most. It's as if we are only friends when there's no one else around but when other people come into the picture he drifts away completely and utterly. Leaving me behind all alone. Damn. Thinking too much? I don't really know. It just frustrates me ttm. I don't know what to do. Just feel like going on my knees and begging god for guidance and maybe that will work but i don't know. Crap this rly sucks. Rly. All of it. damn...

A happy ending

2010-04-28T02:23:00.000-07:00

Haha decided to blog today because well... Had some free time in general haha :).

These past few day's i've been feeling really weird in general... I can't even put my finger on what i've been feeling but I know one things for sure. The person i trusted the most doesn't really care haha. So whatever.. Move on with life and just ignore everything i suppose right? Haha nvm smiles all around. :) I bet he didn't even read that letter totally and just stared at it blankly. Expressionlessly and emotionlessly. I totally regret my decision but you know it was good whilst it lasted. Haha Still oblivious to what I'm feeling I've decided to just completely end this friendship in a way and be dead to em. Haha nvm. Its so much better this way. I just couldn't accept it at the start i suppose but now everything is clear. How i wish she was here and how i wish reality wasn't the truth. If only our roles were reversed. It's ok though I'll be joining her soon i suppose? Nvm musn't give up though i've lost all i'm fighting for... There isn't any reason left for me to stay anyway. So i'm almost dead and gone. Something new and someone new will reveal itself.

Wow everytime i feel like i want to post something that is remotely happy i end up blogging something emo so I can withstand my fake smile when i'm around everyone else. But every time i see that person with other people and completely ignoring me my heart just shatters into a million pieces; I was true to em, always with em and thought he would always be there for me but I guess i seriously was wrong. Crap rambling about the same thing yet again. Guess I just need to do this to release some of my negative energy so that I can remain positive... Rather odd. I don't really mind though since nobody really cares and there isn't a need for one. You can really only rely on youreself. When she was around it was easier to breathe knowing I had at least one person to rely on. Everyone since then has only been a liar especially HIM. Can't tell what he's thinking but I'm tired of trying and tired of caring. No more sms's, no more tears, no more feelings. Its all pointless. I need to change my focus for the time i've left.

life sucks ttm. FML

Woah i suck

2010-04-23T23:07:00.000-07:00

Just needed a place to vent out all my emotions once again
just wanted to say IM SORRY, SO SUPER SORRY to everyone who's ever cared about me because all ive done is become a selfish person who doesnt care about other peoples feelings at all. All i can do is cause pain and suffering all i can do is make people unnecessary emo. I havent even left an impact on anyone that is worthy of my existence. It feels like its all coming to an end and all i've ever done is make people sad, worried, angry, upset, antagonized. What a pathetic friend I really am? And this isn't a self pity post this is seriously truly the truth. It just took me a while to push aside my prejudice against other people to make me see how wrong I really am. All this while all ive done is nothing but cause much anguish and pain to the one's whom i love the most. Though i've got nobody who really truly cares like her it doesnt matter. It doesnt give me the right to make other people emo and make other people sad just because im unable to contain my own depression and anxiety. Call me insecure. I think i really am. Walking around my class i'm always insecure. What do people really think of me? Why do they chose not to invite me? After a while of not thinking about all this I think i've finally collapsed into a big dark black hole. My mind wandering free; unable to anchor itself on anywhere but onto pain. Oh gosh it sounds like a really self-centered post again but i just really need to speak my heart out. This blog almost seems like an FML blog. Nobody really reads it anyway so it's like a safe haven to me.

Breaking it all down into parts, i've never done anything really good for my classmates and i've only just realised this. Maybe that's why I'm not close to even one of them. I thought i was close to a few but i find myself drifting really far away. This is all my fault anyway. After all i've said and done nobody can really forget about the fact that Adnaan is opinionated and anal and whatever. Its hard for that to be abolished so maybe that's why it's not easy for me to be around them. They've all already formulated opinions about me that i can't change and it's all my fault. Curse my existence. Its such a pain to talk about all this but it's even more painful to keep it all inside.

And now to the biggest apology i can ever give. I want to apologise to HIM for making him emo all the time when all he's tried to do is help and cheer me up and keep my spirits up. All ive done is to shoot him down so quickly until he himself finds himself surrounded by a dark abyss. What kind of friend am I? Maybe its because i always thought of him as my best friend? But only recently did I realise that i don't think that's really true. All the time we've spent together just seems like a distant memory and in time we'll both forget. He say's he will be sad but i know after a while he'll forget and my very existence would have proved to be meaningless. But whatever it is. All i can say is THANK YOU SO MUCH. For all the time's we've spent, for all the happiness youve brought me. AND IM SO SORRY for all the sadness i've caused you and all the pain that still resides. I hope you can forget all of that, I really do. I keep telling you not to emo but all i do is make u more emo. How pathetic is that right?

I guess there really is nobody who can replace Her. How i wish she was here now how i wish she didnt have to go how i wish i had someone to rely on. Someone who i could lean on. Just for one more time before I go. How utterly and pathetically disgusting...

I really am good for nothing. Only know how to make people upset and depressed never making anyone smile. Ultimate depression. My existence up till now has been pointless leaving no impact on anyone. How depressing is that.. seriously. Wow suprisingly blogging isnt helping so im going to stop now.

Epiphany

2010-04-15T02:59:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged in a while so I decided to finally blog after more than one month. Been too busy with life's trials and tribulations so much so that I think I've lost myself amidst all the calamity and chaos of teenage life. Though we our teenager years are supposed to be our most prized and fun years, I find myself trapped in an illusion, unable to free myself as my juxtapose roams free in the world filled with surreptitious acts that we fail to see. Is it all just an illusion? Or for just once, just this once, is it real...

Our lives are simple yet we make it sound so complicated and filled with problems and hurdle's that we are unable to overcome; we stumble upon ourselves and try to get back up but each and every time, it get's harder and harder to breathe. It just seems so difficult for me to accept that "What happens, happens". The question is, is that really true? If it is, do we just sit behind and stay silent, closing our eyes and pretending it's just not there. Is there no benignant qualities within me that is capable of demolishing this feeling.

I think I'm just confused, ever since then... Nobody has been able to replace her and i don't think anyone ever will. Each time i get that feeling that I had with her, be it with a guy or a girl, it's only a matter of time before I realize that it was only a passing fab. At this age, everyone has someone like her already... Everyone but me. I've lost myself throughout all these years and only now have I truly come to understand the reason why... I've been insecure since she left.. All I have to remember her by is that little brown object in the corner of my decadent room. As my eyes scamper about my room, only tears drip down my face. Is it so hard to ask for someone out there to just be honest, true and with me. I just wish for once in my life, there will be someone that is dear to me. It's just so hard to recreate the feeling given that everyone is already so far on. How i wish she would come back, but i guess she's just waiting for me up there... and i may very well join her soon. Finally there will be someone for me to rely on all the way. I thought there was one person who could make me feel that way again but i was wrong because he's already far ahead. All i do is fall far behind everyone else, drowned in this pit of sorrow and despair, unable to climb out without suffocating first. Best friends, close friends? Just a dream to me. All I can do is hope she's just watching over me i guess. Hopefully. Another burst of my insecurity. Though I may seem like the type of person who just goes with the flow and is ok with anything, I'm human to, how i crave and wish for that feeling again. It was okay for me to watch her talking with other people because I knew she would tell me about it and never leave me in the shadows. She really was my best, closest and sometimes only real true friend. There was someone but now i think he's gone away.

(Wishing for a it to come back again. Lavu)

Dont let me go but dont come near

2010-03-13T07:49:00.001-08:00

Been very confused with life lately, one moment I'm at my peak of happiness and the next, I'm shrouded by an undeniably thick aurora that's compromising my sanity. As my shallow thoughts cloud my judgment, I must apologise for all those of whom I have hurt unintentionally. I am truly sorry though it does not make up for anything; words, words and more words, easier said than done. As i stare at my juxtaposed image, I relish the thought of trying to be a nice person; undeniably and impossibility. But anyway back to reality, I just needed to get that out of my system.

So Friday was rather eventful because GP lesson was basically a waste of time and we all just decided to go library haha. But it wasn't all a lost because i managed to do some work :). I kept scaring Gladys haha! I hope she forgives me :P. I kept hitting Yi Ai by accident too, so sorry about that haha!! Went dinner with the H3 people for the first time after that :). They are really a very very nice bunch of people and very funny as well :D. Waygene and Minh Han keep fighting! Its like a free drama on the go haha :). WE ate at junction 8 were EVERYTHING in the food court is dreadfully overpriced. I ordered like a BBQ chicken and they gave me chicken covered in chilli??? So i was like @.@??? Haha but apparently that's what BBQ chicken meant :). that was really an entertaining day though yet again, I was blur at lecture haha.

So for today didnt really do anything out of the ordinary. Had piano exam and it was really really tough! well sort of :). Rushed of to training. Went to Jas's house where i met Leonard as well and then went home to get some stuff and went tuition. Same old same old :). Cant wait for tomorrow! Meeting a long long long lost friend :P for like 1 hour then going to study and bowl with freddeh! :D. He got cool new ball i wanna see haha! MISSION!

Feelings show

2010-03-11T05:45:00.000-08:00

ADNAAN IS

tired of being someone he's not

tired of watching people pass him by

tired of running away

tired of all the lies and deceit

tired of this devoid emptiness

tired of having his heart ripped out

tired of thinking

tired of trying

tired of being with people just to let the day go by

tired of all the Hi's when theres nothing to say

tired of being backstabbed

tired of people who cant tell him things in his face

tired of people who pretend

tired of pretending

tired of all this crap

SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYTHING

As anyone who reads this can guess i am apparently, tired. Its just so frustrating when you feel this way. I always get like this eventually. I knew my happiness would only be momentary yet why can't i stop myself from being drowned in delusions filled with insipid thoughts and frustrating conundrums. Fraught by the pain and anguish from being deprived, I always feel so alone even when I am surrounded by a sea of people; "A city is just many lonely people living together" to quote.

Though I am enveloped by a variety of emotions that surpass my human comprehension. It is difficult if not impossible to understand oneself. But why is it I feel so lost to the extent whereby I am unable to define my humanity and existence.

There are people who i feel at one with and I can talk to them as if I am myself and they know me better than anyone else. But recently, I've lost that feeling. The people whom i thought were close to me drift away, taking my sanity with them. Any one who knows me will know I get very emotional and I have this need to sort of have people around me and talk to me, sounds very pathetic and AA but i can't run away from who I am. I've always been this way so it's hard to change. Putting up a facade and a wall around my feelings only seems to deprive me of my one true character. Lost and confused I struggle to find myself again in a desperate attempt to embody who i once was. Maybe it's just the TJC environment that's getting to me a little :/. And just to clarify with people, just because i don't talk doesn't mean I am emo or anything... As i said, I'm really tired of it all. Being the random person is just not my thing, or maybe i've lost the urge to speak with those around me. Though i find myself at ease with the bowler's causing my head to spin endlessly as I fail to see why I'm feeling this way around other people. God this sound's whiny, but alas, I'm tired of thinking about it.

Lost and confused the wise man sat and stared into the blue skies,

He wondered why it would never fall and why it always cries,

As he pondered, he fell into a deep abyss,

And now he find's himself lost in a cloud of myst.

Love-More than Hate

2010-03-07T06:14:00.000-08:00

Ah finally feeling myself again. Happy cheerful, fun-loving Adnaan :D. Haha partially thanks to the bowling people who made me feel so extremely happy on Friday and Sunday i.e today :). My other friends help me too though :).

haha so anyway Friday was really awesome because the whole bowling team went to 18 chefs to wish Jerome n Sean off to army who were going in on sunday. haha took millions of photos and was really having a great time :P. MX tried tried to do something to Freddy haha very funny and Jia Ye got it all on video :P Which i have now. Mx giving all his love to Freddy dont like me :(. Haha ah well nvm. took many individual photos with everyone FINALLY haha :D! After that followed Jerome and the SEAN'S to ice cream chefs for some desert haha :). Jerome n Sean phillip were learning from Sean Yeow about army life haha :). Finally their turn! Lol. Mine soon. After that went to wish Josh, Justin and Leonard off to army also haha! I was super late but nvm :P.

Then today woke up super late unfortunately... and then went to go find freddy at bugis and i got lost omg -_- I feel so embarrased!!! Haha. Then Fred had to come and get me from the Library haha. Went all the way back to Tampiness to study with him after. Omg we studied qutie well at the bowling alley. WTH. Bowling Alley's ROCK! Haha. Then went to disturb bowling pdp sprinters because i felt like running a little and wanted to follow Fred there before dinner :). So yeah i think i ran more than them luh -_- have to keep running from one end to another asking them if their ready and if i can start haha. But nvm. SPRINTING very stress. Was really worried about Jia Min because of her hip. Like seriously why is Mr Ng making her run -_-. Then Freddy's knee and ankle also pain but he said not so bad la so wasnt to worried i suppose. But then again he always say its ok when its not -_- Ah well nvm. Went to Fish and Co after because MX really wanted to eat there for some reason @.@! Hahas! N1 MX!! :D. Was like super what luh. haha Happy happy :). So thats about it. I need to study so i have to keep this short :P.

SEE YA!

Again, we find ourselves lost

2010-03-04T03:49:00.000-08:00

Isnt it just the worst thing ever to surrounded by a sea of people but feel so alone. Well sometimes being alone is the best thing for one to experience in order to move on with life. Its just a phase we have to go through during some period of our life. It is neither a problem nor a blessing its just a thing. I know im going to sound really selfish when i say that i want to be alone, far from others and just on my own. Why is it selfish? because i'm away from the people that i think care about me and they think im just uninterested and avoiding them :(.

I NEED PEOPLE WHO RECIPROCATE. Right now that's how i feel. Im tired of being the guy that's totally random, im tired of being the guy who tries to talk to everyone and im tired of being someone im not. Some people just make me feel more alive because i don't have to be that way around them. It's usually the most unexpected people who gives us the greatest happiness :). I don't really care about what people think about me or the people i hang out with. If they stop and make comments it just means that they're lives are so incredible boring until they have to criticize other people to make a conversation out of nothing. You don't have to make other people feel bad or criticize them to justify you're own boredom. But well whatever.

Seems im always posting something emo nowadays but doing so keeps me from showing it in school :). Anyone who knows me knows im really quite emotional and expressive and sensitive in good and bad ways. And even if people say "Oh that's so gay!" well whatever I can't be bothered with you anymore. Every person is interesting even gay people so i don't really care haha. Well anyway back to the point, because i showcase anger and sadness here, it makes me feel happier when im in school so dont seems so troubled in school :). WEll that's about it.

(P.S Things seem to be taking a sharper down turn as time passes... Man this sucks.)

Time to vent

2010-02-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

Ah just filled with so much anger and hatred just totally had to blog yeah. But to prevent this from being a total hate post because i'm not like that, just wanted to say that though i haven't blogged in so long i just wanna thank all those people who made my 18th birthday quite memorable. So thanks to _ _ _ _ _ ( cant refer because im currently hating this person) for coming at 12:05am on my birthday to smack cake in my face. Thanks to all those dinners ive had with all my wonderful friends. Thanks to E for embarrasing me at fish & co haha and yeah to everyone else esp my old pw group who gave me all i could ever have wanted for my birthday :).

So anyway really angry now that typing that _ _ _ _ _ made me sick.
You know i really hate people who are unappreciative and worst of dare to lie to me about such big things that concerns me; especially people who totally PRETEND to be you're friend when their not! PRETEND to ask how you are when they really dont care. And PRETEND to be trustworthy but are actually full of deceit and lies. Since when has the world become so twisted where people lie to survive. Is it impossible to find people who can just be honest and tell you when they dont care? It hurts, the truth always hurts. But the truth has never hurt me so why the fuck did you keep it away from me. Dont you know that i'm the kind of person who appreciates honesty? Lying about something is just like killing youreself inside. Its all just been a game hasnt it? Since when is teenage life such a big predicament? We fill ourselves up with our " so called" problems when we dont even realise the real problems in life. Its all about crap. It is all crap. It sucks feeling this way but i dont really care anymore. And if i actually cared about what people think of me, then i wouldnt be writing this vulgar and insinuative post full of anger and mistrust. Hopeless. Really hopeless.

Everytime i try to tell myself to smile and that tomorrow will be a better day, it just comes and bites me in the butt. I should be even happier, I dont have any real problems because teenagers are not suppose to have such problems we just hype it up to be more than it needs to be. But for once. This is a real problem and they seem to be piling up. God i hate this.

Well whatever.

( missing a friend )

Faith in time, Love is not lost

2010-02-08T05:23:00.001-08:00

Ok have not posted in Super long because i keep delaying the posts haha. So well im going to post now about the past dunno how many weeks haha! Since i can no longer remember the days due to my short term memory loss... I shall just go by weeks :)

Ok so the 16th and 17th ( Saturday and Sunday ) were quite eventful and that is the only reason why i actually remember them specifically haha. So saturday was really cool because i had a really pleasent suprise from my friends AKA JESS JASON HALIM AND ROGER (federer :P ) haha. they suprised me with a super super early bday... trying to make me older.. But it was really sweet and i totally <3 u guys for it! THANKS GUYS THOUGH IT WAS RLY EARLY. IRONIC HOW IM POSTING THIS ONE DAY BEFORE MY ACTUAL BDAY HAHA!

On the 17th we had like a gathering of relatives to bless my brother as he turns 22 so it was all really sweet and stuff though im not sure he really appreciated it eh :/.. haha but well no point doubting when you can just not rly care about it. Easier that way :). So we had dinner at some super nice seafood restaurant and i must say the food was extremely excellent.. like seriously.

Ok so the next week ie the 18th to the 24th was quite ok i suppose.. did the usual things.. And just remained happy throughout the WHOLE WEEK. Im so proud of myself.. haha.. Self praise i suppose. Sometimes people need to do that when nobody else will :). Second week of school and I WAS GOING TO RUN then my knee hurt super bad zz -_- So much for my I will run this year moto. Haha. Oh first H3 lecture was like quite easy suprisingly... but as i soon found out.. H3 is a giant pain in the ass.. esp bio. lessons on saturday :(

So 25th to 31st was just the same.. same old same old... Well i cant really rmbr when i met my 2 most awesome friends in the world i.e ELAINA and JERMAINE.. cant remember which week it was at all... But anyway! <3 them to bits even though they kind of scolded me because i had to keep postponing our fun meetings together. We had a really relaxing and heart to heart talk regarding school, etc. It was really awesome because i really needed people to confide in regarding all that stuff... and they really are the only ones who would understand :). Elaina went into her whole WHY DIDNT U COME SAJC and jer went into the YOU SHOULD BE IN RJ haha. I remember we were talking about weird Hwa Choong students too at our H3 lectures! Its so cool that we all take H3.. really fun :). Oh first H3 lab lesson this week. All i can say is. Incubation time of 45 minutes after each step is not fun at all... And to top all of that.. NTU IS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. haha the drive there was really long but im just rly thankful i have such kind parents who are willing to send me :).

so 31st to present day has been really fun too. One of the most important days in 18/09 history i.e denise birthday haha :). It was really fun though i was kind of sad i couldnt give my wife a gift on her actual bday because of certain circumstances... and i only passed her the other part of her gift today.. But she loved it and thanked me so im so happy she has forgiven me for being so late on my gifts :). Was just talking to her about it too :). And yeah My bday is tmr!... oh well haha... And jinyi's is friday! CANT WAIT. SERIOUSLY HAHA CANT WAIT.

thats al lfor now :D

Trying to be strong heading on to 66

2010-01-14T04:47:00.001-08:00

I REFUSE TO LOSE.

I will win this battle

No matter what

:)

Repraise

2010-01-03T02:59:00.000-08:00

Blogging to relieve some negative energy for now :). I just realized I always feel alot happier after blogging ;). Haha smile's make the day all the more even when the cheese has turned sour :/.

Anywho, yesterday first; brought smiles to my face :). So in the morning went for breakfast with y parents for once in a Lon long time! Haha. It was really entertaining especially because I don't eat with them often. Of course te only reason I was aske to go was to help my dad with the market goods. Haha. Though I don't mind at all :). I find the wet market very interesting; seeing people barter and converse in a language seemingly foreign to me yet is my native tongue. It really makes you wonder about the outside world. The journey to the market is never complete without my dad's diligent attempt to explain to me what to do and who to buy from in the market; far superceeds my street smart talents haha. Also was lucky enough to eat with my aunt and uncle from Johor! Though they aren't related by blood, the bonds between them forged over the years account for more than that :). My mum just sat there chatting with them as usual haha ( hard to get a word pass her when she gets going :P ).

Ok after breakfast just went to eunos to pass something to Jess. In the end, we had lunch at simei 18 chefs! Haha. It always turns out Like this... :P. But I don't mind. I only have 36 more days of youth before it's taken from me :( haha. Of course I got an earful when I walked through the front door, as if my mum was stalking me and just waiting to pounce onto my being :P. I just made her laugh a little and she forgot, how common. I'm awesome :P.

So had to prepare for my party at night which my mom once again overcooked for haha! She cooked for like 20 people or something. I only had 4 people coming haha. But that's what's good about her :). Always sharing the love even to complete strangers :). Anyway we cooked so much that we had to invite our family friends too haha. ( it was just an excuse so that my mum could chat with someone other than her TV haha ). Cleaned the entire house after that. It was really tiring but totally worth it :). Of course I forced jas & Claire to help since Josh and halim had to leave early haha :P. Free labour!

So that about sums up Saturday :).

Moving on, Sunday was suppose to be a really hectic day but in the end I actually slacked for most of it haha. Went for breakfast with the crew in the morning, It was really fun! Thanks you guys i really needed to talk haha. It's always interesting listening to Seow Qi's rambles regarding her school even before school starts up again! Thanks for entertaining me so :).

So left Tampiness area around 3 plus or so and around 4 got a text from Jo asking me if i was still there! She went to get her ear pierced along with Leslie and they did not invite me!! Haha was a bit ticked because i havent seen them in quite a while boo. Ah schools reopening soon anyway so I'll be able to see them almost everyday again :)! Happy.

So not much to say regarding Sunday and my post is over.

On to the story,

Day 2,

She longed for his touch, his voice, and his warm embrace that managed to make each day a little bit lighter. His image forever juxtaposed in her mind's eye. It was so hard to forget; an impossible task. Tears rolled down her soft pale cheeks scarring her skin with wounds that would never heal. Still etched in her heart; undying luster for something she could not have, a child's whine.

~End of chp 1~ ( LOL 3 paragraphs :O )

Just once in a lifetime

2009-12-31T03:50:00.000-08:00

Btw this post may be rather uneventful haha :)

Well life's had it's ups and downs but through it all, we can only smile and hope for a better tomorrow :). So for once in my 17 year life i decided to just stop doubting myself and moving forward all the way till tomorrow and never think about yesterday. Easier said than done, I know... Especially for someone as erratic and unusual as myself. But then again, looking back on my life, I've realized something, if i was to listen to all those people who kept telling me to change and that i was weird, I would not have become the same person. Haha to everyone out there who think's you're different and nobody understands you, there will always be someone who will :), and if you're as lucky as me a bunch of people who you can call "FRIENDS". These are the people who keep you through everyday other than you're family. Family is the reason for living and friend's just make that reason all the more important and dear to you're heart. Remember that Ad!

( Doubt is the first step to the road to uncertainty which leads to a loss of trust and belief in the people you hold the most dear to you and to yourself )

Anyway on to my life that has been going as fast as a river flowing into the sea where it becomes just one of many.

Well the new year is coming and i'm really excited yet a bit sad haha. If anyone know's me they would know i hate AGEING. Forgive me i don't hate the AGED but I just despise the fact that another year in my life is over and i have not done anything worth a tell. That's why i don't like to celebrate my birthday haha but that day bring's me both happiness and sadness which is good in a way... It reminds me that I'm only Human haha :). P.S 39 more days... the countdown begins

So, last week was a really hectic week as I tried till my last breath to do everything i needed to do before i flew off to bangkok haha. An impossible task but what's life without a challenge? Finished a little bit of homework and brought the rest along with me :). Unfortunately my brother's 1 litre yakult that we bought spilt in my bag DRENCHING ALL MY ELECTRONICS. I know, tragedy :(. My camera could'nt work so i was really a bit sad but oh wells right :)... You live and you learn not to put yakult in you're bag! Especially if it's a 1 litre bottle haha :P. So no pictures unfortunately... I know, it is depressing but life goes on ( Omg so emotional over a camera?? haha ) So Jolene Joyce Den and Pam bailed to meet me on the night before i left because they had things to do :/... A little upset about that haha. I was kinda miffed because E and Jer had asked me to meet them on that same night and i said i could'nt... Haha... I was too chicken to muster up the courage to call them and ask them to meet me :P. So i just asked Claire and yes of course Jason ( Those 2 come in a pair unfortunately) over to my house to talk and all because i needed some company haha :). They are some of the few people i can count on :). Never knew i would find more in JC life haha but i guess i was wrong. Just a small tribute to the people I was lucky enough to meet before i continue my post :).

( Forgot to rotate XD Sorry jo haha ! )

Ok so more of Bangkok haha, lol sorry for my slightly annoying ADD issues :P haha i've always been like that... Its a wonder how i remember anything :). So basically, it was really fun :). lol in short.

Sunday was really fun because i had breakfast with my two neighbours, Peter and Preston ( haha twins btw :P ) It was totally fun because i <3 meeting new people

SORRY JIA MIN ( SISTER ) FOR LEAVING YOU TO DO ALL THE PLANNING WITHOUT ME! ALSO, SORRY CANNNDICE, CHICKEN, MX, DIANNE & SABBY :(.

So sorry i was not of much help haha! Leave all the march planning to me :P!

Haha ok i hope that helps a little to get me off the hook :P. Anyway don't care about candice :P Come my blog also suan me only... then always say we quarrel! Please la ! It's because you always fight with me :X.

Btw met Isaac ( The strange guy who added me on facebook ) Haha i totally forgot he was our next year's DSA student.. Lol stupid old me ! He's a really cool guy ! For some reason I thought he was small... He's friggin tall omg. Can see why "someone" like's him :P. ( wont say who! XD )

Ok so Wednesday i had to go after goal setting :(. And i think i talked WAYYY too long haha. I was giving the speech for the guys and it talked for like 15 minutes omg... Then the girls talked for 3 mins... I felt so long winded ! :P.

Ok so for now the real post is over whilst I wait for more pictures to be uploaded i shall begin my 365 day PROMISE. I Promise on this day, the 31st of december to write part of a story in my heart everyday! I will blog it everyday along with whatever I have going on... ( I know it sounds like Julie & Julia.. But please note this decision is completely independant of that haha! My friend said i should do something and finish it for once... :P ) So this is you're tribute Ger... You may not be with me but i promise you i will do it and i hope you'll see it from up there wherever you are :)

Day 1.

She sat at her window as the rain drops pattered down her glassed view. All she could do was wish for another chance, but there is no such thing as a second chance in her world. Though tear's may overflow, though her cheeks faded towards the colour of the moon, though she felt aches in her heart when nothing was wrong, she was powerless; loss into the calamity of an uncertain heart. This is a story about a girl who wished for more but never truly accepted what she already had. It was too late.

As the month's passed all she did was stare through her window, waiting. The forest was her friend, her ally but also her enemy. As it swayed back and forth, greeting her every morning, it just reminded her of all the goodbye's it made her go through. She cursed it all. It was not worth living her life. She was stuck on page 6, when she ran out of ink. Jack was always there for her as she screamed through the night, wanting, craving, crying. But all she did was push him away regardless of how much she needed him. All she could remember were the lost year's where he left his wife and his daughter, alone. Why did she need him anyway? Why after all this time? She still loved him, but hated him as well. She loved to hate him. It was the only thing that made her feel human, especially after he left.

( Well im tired for now haha and im going to go out soon so that's it for day 1 :) )

Just once more

2009-12-13T03:36:00.000-08:00

Haha havent posted in really long yet again :) haha.

Haha so the past week has been a really tiring week because i only slept like 5 hours each day... and it kind of add's up haha. But no complaints there i chose to sleep late haha. Well really happy because my parents finally came back from haj haha :). Yeah so finally haha.

Btw this post was posted on the 30th not the 12th :p. I didnt finish it till now.. lols...

So basiccaly life has been hectic but who's life isnt? Haha just have to go with the flow and roll with the punches and hope that from time to time you get a lucky break. You wait for someone or something to come along to cheer you up so that you can carry on with a routined life haha.

Well on a random note havent done any hwk at all! Really upset about that haha. I promised myself i would have finished half but i havent :(. Well procrastination certaintly is the biggest enemy of success haha.

So like ill start of from 2 weeks ago because that's when i last posted haha :).

5th and 6th stayed over at lyn's house with a couple of friends haha :). Super fun! We played like all sorts of random games in order to put ourselves to sleep. Had a Harry Potter Marathon as well! Woah he looks damn different in book 1 as compared to book 6 haha really cool though. It was a little boring but the company made it all the more better :D!

Hi, my new friend from 14/09 Waygene is bullying Leslie because he is like super evil hahas. He's calling leslie "Lo" because i started calling Leslie Lazlo hahaha. But i seriously think Lazlo suits his face more than Leslie haha. He looks like such a kid in the cartooon :). *Camp kidney* :P. Hehehe. But anyway back to the subject at hand, Waygene is a really awkward person who does bizzare things and is apparently very scandalous because he likes both girls and boys :P haha. Well not to strange. I think everyone should like people of the same sec and opposite sex makes things interesting. ( Lol whatever I know right )

Ok so im just going to start a new post because i totally forgot what to write haha !

Lost and "found?"

2009-12-03T02:38:00.000-08:00

Well havent posted in a while so decided to do so today because i had some free time haha :).

To start of i'll talk about Internship :). haha so this weeks internship has been ALOT ALOT more interesting haha :). On Monday i got to talk to this extremely nice but rather lonely old Indian Man doing physio. It was really cool because it was the first time we actually got to interact with the patients. I just talked to him, kept him company, lent an ear to listen. It's interesting what old people have to say and I believe the younger generation doesn't truly appreciate their words. That night I just kept thinking about what he said about life and everything else. Someone in his position kept persevering and eventually almost fully recovered. It's true what they say that, "The only failure is in not trying". He really motivated me :). Followed Leslie to Sim Lim after to fix his ds :). Turns out we can only get it back on Sat so looking forward to it again i guess :)/

So moving on to Tuesday, we did more paper work unfortunately :( haha but after that in the afternoon went to help out the patients again but didnt really get to talk to anyone :/.. haha oh wells but it was still very entertaining haha. Esp watching Leslie attempt to ask permission from each and every patient to allow him to take a picture of them for their respective files :P. Interesting. Later at night i could'nt go meet Jolene for one last time before she flies off to ( I forgot where LOL ). Kinda sad because i could'nt see a certain someone either :(. Haha but nvm i guess! There will be other times!.

So Wednesday was the same as the rest for the internship part though we the hospital sponsored us snacks haha :)! How nice of them... like seriously haha. So giving when they have so little to give. <3 St Lukes Hospital. Haha met Tim, claire and jester again at night haha for jester's "suprise" bday party. Though i had to leave really early haha... Just went there to throw cake at him. Sry guys!

Haha now today. Wednesday night was one of the worst times of my life and today is no different but its lame talking about emotions because there isn't any point. So i decided to just try and stay happy no matter what i guess haha. Spring cleaning at the hospital and that's about it... Though Leslie suaned me like 11 times ( Yes, i counted :) ). Haha but it was ok i guess...

Now to end off haha just a summary of what my life has been like,

Lights dimming,
His heart fell to the blood-stained ground,
From what? His own bleeding.
It was too late and was too sorrowful,
His eyes were closing shut.

Waking up a new man,
An oath is all he could say,
Not to run anymore...
Just don't start a race,
It was just too hard.

It was too hard for him to bear any longer,
the pain that man could do,
It was even more painful when people dont realise,
How much he cared.

Shrouded by his juxtapose,
He only has himself to blame,
No bond can be forged without a flame and a hammer,
A one sided thing,
theres just no way.

To concluded his life,
he just decided to stop and stare,
Stare at those people going by,
And telling them not to care.
Because he didnt want to hurt,
Himself or anyone else again.

- June 19, 2007 22:15

Loving but not loved.

2009-11-27T23:02:00.000-08:00

Haha blogging from phone what fun :)!

Well been inactive passed few days ecause super busy with evrything since my parents left for Mecca. Haha do basically there's slot to blog about but I don't think I have the writing capacity to talk about the past 10 days! Haha so I'll summarize. :).

So basically internship started on Monday and I've already met some really nice people (who's name I can't spell lol). I think it's chang Yi and wae jyen or smth haha. Along with Leslie :). Were all in the same dept so fun haha! Have to admit thy having Leslie there makes it slot easier to get the work done because it's not so boring lol. Though I'm usually the one talking haha. Chang Yi is a really nice guy and reminds me of someone else haha. Weirddd :P. That was just random information haha. Ok so now to talk about th past week!!

Monday

well we didn't really do much... Just a he'll lot of paper work and pasting. Really quite boring haha. But since we did work in the counselling room, we could here the speech therapy going on!! I thought it was reallii cool haha. Tuesday wasn't much of a difference :(. I dreaded seeing our mentor ms Katherine with yet another box of dividers that needed labels zz.. Haha but I kept trying to make up a song to keep myself entertained :). Having friends there made it slot easier though. Oh and we were doing work with some st hildas girls too!

Wednesday was more tiring because we had to like check inventory.. I call it the scavanger hunt :p. So hard to find the stuff!! Emoed haha. But quite fun la because we actually saw what was going on during rehab rather than stonning haha :)!

Thursday we did spring cleaning of everything. Woah I was sad for Leslie because his hand were rly sensitive to the gloves material and it even started to bleed! Haha so I gave him a mini plaster cum bandage because he had tourny on Friday! Didn't want his hand to hurt liao :/ hope it didn't affect him too much! :(.

Anywhp Friday was hari rays haji and I was sick zz. How lammee is that! Haha so I lazed about and talked to people at night :).

Finally today spent the morning talking to Lyn and went for lunch. Quickly rushed to piano thereafter! Woah almost got scolded sia..

Ok that's for this week :)

(PS. I'm really missing some people right now! It's almost unbareable :(! I misss them so much. Namely Denise <3 Jolene <3 joyce <3 jinyi <3 Pam <3 & Gladys too! I see Leslie everyday still so it's not so bad... At least got 1 normality in my life haha.)

also other then that I missed dinner with Elaina marc and Jermaine. Really angry about that because I miss them sooo much :(! Was really sad about that too. I'm gonna see them soon no matter what! Haha.

The week before this was just filled with the usual.. Going put. Chatting. Reconnecting haha. Currently waiting for A's to be over so I can hang with my seniors again :) & someone very special too! Haha 1 more week! XD.

Lastly everyone is leaving tooo soon. So sad :(. But they'll be back!

Since I'm using my phone no videos yet haha. Oh just random my camera rox now finally learned how to use it well :).

Happpyyyyyy.

Ok wanted to end with a poem I wrote the other day but the bus ride is over and my journey is done haha. Going to meet Claire and Jason now woooo :)! Will edit later on!

(PS Today means Saturday! The post says 27th but it wasp osted on 28th :P )

Watching you is my hearts desire

2009-11-17T04:40:00.001-08:00

Haha well this is going to be another long post about my uneventful life :).

Well first of,
SATURDAY

Well sat was quite boring at the start because all I did was follow my dad around sim lim and funan to find some hardware haha :). I wanted to go because i wanted to buy some games along with my hard drive for my xbox haha. Was so glad we got it at a cheap cheap price :p. Well that sums up my entire morning because i went to go to the market too because my dad was a bit lazy haha :) But i don't mind helping out once in a while though the market is like really dirty and full of mozzies. Well moving on the afternoon, went to watch sister's keeper with lyn , alex and halim haha :) Primary school friends + friend :)! Haha was super fun but the movie was like so sad :(.... Haha!! Really touching and it made me think alot too. Went to eat at fish & Co. after haha.. MMMM yummy. Well at night went to lyn's half-birthday party though me alex and halim had already given her a party... But we were forced to attend. Omg had to go all the way to bukit batok!! haha. And the worst part was that i forgot my camera :(!!! So i borrowed Lyn's :) Wonder when she is going to upload. Haha end of day 1

Sunday

Well today was the much awaited class BBQ planned by my very own group :), tj088!! Theb est most awesome group in the world haha. Well in the morning had to get ready for the big family gathering to wish my parents off because they were going to Haj. I was like super busy running all over the place helping my mum get ready the downstairs for the incoming guests :) That was fun i guess... I walked up and down the stairs like 45 times ( I counted ). Good exercise haha :P!
(Omg i have used alot of emoticons thus far :/) Ok right after that rushed down to pasir ris park for the BBQ. I totally got lost omg was really like O.O after that... Haha called Jolene and she offered to fetch me but... with my pride at stake how could i ask a girl to rescue me! haha. Well found the place in the end anyway using my awesome instincts :). Ok when i reached everyone was like having such a great time bbqing the stuff haha. Denise <3, Jin Yi, Pam, Joyce & Jolene were like stonning near the ocean on a rock haha so i went to say hi to them. Omg it was so swampy that my slippers got stuck in the mud haha.. quite disgusting :\. Well everyone seemed in high spirits when i was there but after that like i don't really know my family where all over the place... Something was going on but nobody really talks to the dad as usual haha. Denise looked really sad but she said it was nothing so i tried to just smile and make her feel better :)! Jin Yi was a little down too but actually she was just trying to make me jealous of a certain someone.... haha lol! Leslie looked like a grown up sia! For the first time haha he really look like an uncle. Ahmed as crazy as ever haha. And every1 else was pretty much normal haha. The USUAL PEOPLE were camwhoring all the way at the BBQ pits. It was totalyl deserted... I bet we didnt even have to book the pit at all haha! There was like onyl 1 other family. After that we played murderer followed by more eating haha :)! Another group of people were camwhoring now (including Ahmed SURPRISING!) at the BBQ pits haha. Well after that i was kinda down after i got a call because i had to leave early... I already arrived late now have to leave early :( Haha was a little angry and upset at the same time haha.. But i guess its all for my benefit :) haha. My parents got lost though and I was late for my appointment sigh.. Haha well that marks the end of the super fun 18/09 BBQ :). ( I had to buy SOOOOO many chips because SOMEONE told me to and nobody ate them :( ).

Monday

Well today just went back to take result slip haha then went home with Leslie and Jin Yi nothing much really happened :/ haha! Was kinda bored stonning and waiting at home for nothing to happen until 1. Then at 12 30 the "evil child" msged me and told me cannot go out zz! I was really angry haha. But He was nice enough to find a substitute but i was like zz haha. So went out with Bryan instead haha we just talked about school life etc not much then i had to go for my appointment yet again zz -_-

Well for today, Tuesday, the events of today shall remain a mystery haha. But just wanted to say i find myself missing some people haha don't know why and also i feel kinda empty because im in denial haha oh well :). End of with a poem. ( cliche i know! but haha only way i express myself)

He gazed up into the empty sky,
awaiting for the grace of light,
slowly waiting,
whilst sitting in the deepest of pits.

Alone, hidden, in the dark,
Lost, confused, unable to talk,
Deprived, malnourished, unable to walk,
Failing, losing, unable to stand.

As if being apart,
had made his heart grow weary,
His eyes seemed bloodrushed,
whilst his cheeks were pale.

Wondering, waiting, no where to go,
Souless, unfeeling, covered in mist,
Dying, crippling, yet still alive,
Falling into his own juxtapose.

He had lost something,
his heart was no longer one,
his smile broken in 2,
and his soul was with none.

Tears dripped down,
Hair fell lose,
He knew he was gone,
because of someone he knew.

"Love but not loved, is truly the deepest pain of all"

Something i wrote down in my little book when i was sec 3 :)

(Pics on facebook :)!, lazy to post here)

What are friends for?

2009-11-12T04:46:00.000-08:00

Well today was really entertaining haha :). Got to do alot of things that i wanted to do haha. John came over last night and stayed till like 8 a.m only because he lost his keys and his parents were staying at the other house haha.. He's so lazy zz like seriously. Well i woke up at 10 and he left already... I didnt know he woke me up haha i was too tired to wake up and see him off. Slept at 4 a.m talking to him and playing wii. Woke up only at 10 :/. I was like to get things ready haha. Was going to meet Hakim and Mark and tampiness to eat lunch!

At pizza hut! Yum haha. Havent eaten there in a long time. Lolz. We got bored so i decided to ask them IQ questions for fun haha. Then the service there was like rly abysmal zz. So angry but nvm bah. So after that i was like ok need to buy stuff! Went popular first to buy pens then i saw the Alex Cross book and couldnt resist XD. Reading it now haha :). Very interesting. That costed a bom but nvm la haha :). Then went to buy jeans at giodarno a while. Felt really bad because Hakim and Mark were like stonning all the way haha. Also bought a zinc bag and some Xbox games. I didnt know second hand xbox games so cheap! It was a lucky find haha :)! I will definately go there again.

Lolz after all that we headed to my house because Hakim wanted to try his Tekken and we had no other house to go too... :/ Well Leslie was suppose to come but he like fell asleep haha. So in the end at like 5+ we ended up going to his house instead and like played games etc :) So fun! Thanks so much for entertaining us Leslie. Hakim and Mark played random games on the Xbox and the Wii whilst i was caught up in my dramas namely desperate housewives and 90210. Omg they are so awesome. SILVER IS SO HOT. But of course not as pretty as my wife, denise :) :) hahaz. Some pics :D

Well anyway after Hakim got owned in Tekken and Dead or Alive they switched games to house of the dead haha. They didnt get to the end though. Hakim tried to act pro and solo the damn hard boss but died damn fast haha! Then we went for dinner but that plan sort of failed and Hakim just ended up buying fries haha. My dad bought me super nice chicken rice mmmmmm :D!. So happy after tt haha. Well Leslie was a really good host too haha :) He followed us down.

Haha overall today was really strange and interesting :D Haha had lots of fun and bought lots of cool stuff for overall 100 bucks haha :) happy:)

Like a breeze

2009-11-11T03:50:00.000-08:00

Woah woke up really late today because of a CERTAIN SOMEONE. Who kept talking to me all the way till 2 a.m. Haha but i also didnt realise it until my spooky clock rang. So yeah was super late for piano like by about 20 mins. Luckily my teacher was like late too lol!. So in the end i was saved :). Lucky me i guess... or so i thought O.o...

Well after that FINALLY went out with Jess and Jamie, like after sooo super long haha. Missed them alot :/. Then half way they ps me at cine sian. Then i started messaging Leslie and a few other people because i was bored and was trying to fill my Thursday up. Eventually they came back like after 1 hour or so haha. But also not their fault, so i forgave them. Then we went to eat dinner at fish & co. Yum haha. They treated me because they felt bad lol. <3 u both lots!

Well that sums up my day for today. Except for the unfortunate incidents, that i shall not say today haha.

Now some thing i just realised a weird question XD.

"If Sally has 2 coins and she wants to make sure both land on the SAME side, what can she do?"
( Hehe ill treat the first right answer to a drink! :D).

also,

"That sunday evening, 7 students lined up in a room with 4 walls with no lights at all. The facilitator wanted to pick a specific student from the line up. How many people must he pick before he gets the right 1?"

haha sorry bored lol :D.

TJ088 <3 <3 <3 <3

2009-11-10T02:51:00.001-08:00

Well it seems all my other grp members even BOSS has posted something about my project work group, TJ088. So this is my story of sweat,tears and most importantly friendship :).

How i miss the days,
I relish the phrase,
"Good Morning, we are TJ088",
my heart is still dazed.

Through it all till the end,
We always stuck together through bends,
Our hearts are a sum,
like that we are one
Leslie,
His height made me laugh,
His kindness made me tear,
and most of all,
He helped me through the sear.

Jolene,
Her character; humorous & entertaining,
her little eyes, mysterious yet so open,
her cute behavior through it all,
helped me get up when i fall.

Jinyi,
Her reactions to my words,
could be said to be absurd,
but still she fought through it all,
to help win this battle call.

Gladys,
keeping us in line like a captain,
her devotion to us was unsurpassed,
Hey fringe that would cover her eye,
would always make me smile.

Through it all i Truly <3>

Laughter is key when your down

2009-11-07T02:23:00.000-08:00

Joke 1:

My coughing cat

I felt very sad the other day because my mum decided to feed my cat HUMAN cough medicine. I was like OMG. Then my cat looked really sad and emo all of a sudedn and then she was hiding under my dining table like everyday. Btw if this seems familiar its because Jolene copied my story ! Right now Jin Yi just made an ugly face at my whilst we are doing pw. O.O.

The bimboness

(Jolene playing scramble on my phone)

Mr Quek: Eh there got your name in the game, B-I-M-B-O

Jolene: Where got B-O ????

Mr quek: O.O

Jolene: What??! Really got no B-O!

(classic jolene)

Next bimbo.... Jin Yi.

Gladys: Eh monday i think we have to report by 12 15 PM.

Jin Yi: I thought is 12 15 AM?

Everyone else : O.O!!!

Jin Yi: What! You all want to be late isit?

OMG!

Hi hi, im gladys and im taking over adnaan's blog.
muhahaha!! he left his laptop, so from now on, you'll be listening to me

very sian..now listening to jolene repeat her script..
"THIS IS ME!" bimbo...

HELLO EVERYONE. I am the cutest 18/09 girl Jinyi =DD
Now I am using Adnaan's account to blog.
I am VERY ANGRY.
Gladys they all don't want to tell me what did the guy they mentioned do in the toilet... they started laughing and didn't want to tell me =(
They said something about Q... and R... and then a lot of letters...................... zzzz GGRRR...

Now I am looking at Leslie's nose. LOL!! he has a SUPER GIANT REDDISH PIMPLE on his nose. HEHE.

Shes so evil.. O.o... haha but it is kind of funny.

ok back to me, Adnaan.

After my blog has been hijacked i realised 1 thing, haha i'm really so lucky to have such wonderful friends :). They're always there for me when i'm sad esp people like jolene, joyce & leslie not forgetting the rest but i dont really publicise melancholic feelings.

WEll moving on to today. Monday, haha it was really super fun :D. We presented only to Nat's group which made us more confident technically :D. Haha diane's face everytime she smile made me laugh omg. And my dear denise :) was so good today! haha though she was ab it nervous at the start. Hakim was rather odd. Nat & garret pro as usual. For my grp, everyone was really good :D. BUT I MISSED 1 SLIDE. so sad but oh well haha. The teacher asked a tough question for jolene but she persevered through it and answered it to the best of her ability :D. Really proud of all my grp mates.

Well after all that we went Tampiness 1 and kind of stonned after eating pastamania. haha. We were suppose to watch a movie but that plan failed. We shopped a little then went to my house :D. (Hakim Leslie Jolene & denise dear :) ).
Haha was like just talking at my house and a little of uno :D. Haha denise was just using com, hakim was talking abt x-box games, leslie was like looking tired & jolene was obssesed with UNO. Lol super cool.

Btw more jokes after today :D

Me (adnaan) : Muslim's cannot gamble!

Hakim: Haiyo now just close 1 eye can la, close 1 eye 2 eye also can la ! (Covered both eyes with his hands LOL).

Another 1:

Hakim: Damnit why are we playing murderer with cards its so fake! I need a Knife damnit. (LOL must imagine him saying it).

Grass is always greener :)

2009-10-31T21:51:00.000-07:00

Worlds apart.

Watching the people around,
his heart began to beat faster,
Their happiness filled his cold crusted heart,
And caused him to jump up in laughter,
down this road again,
getting lost is not a sin,
only when we lose ourselves,
do we find us again,

Look for the helping hand,
an unseen friend in the dark,
a rose amongst the thorns,
kindness in a stark,
the grass is always greener another day.
Praise todays mistakes,
for they are tomorrows memories,

Before sitting in the park,
his day was crumbling down,
now after being outside the dark,
his heart begins to pound,
his eyes lighten,
and he is no longer weary,
praising today,
as tomorrows yesterday.

I havent posted in a while but Im back :). Just trying to be happier for tomorrow, today and yesterday because every time you fall down, all you can do is to pick yourself up. Don't complain because that just means you have time to do something about it. Praise your mistakes because the only success is in failure. Love today as yesterdays tomorrow.

PS SUPERJUNIOR ROX. (for now :)! )
And go get taylor swifts new platinum album of fearless :)

What is this new change??

2009-10-19T21:48:00.000-07:00

CLICK THIS

<------

(Joyce)

APOLOGISE

2009-10-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

DEAREST APOLOGIZE TO CANDICE CHOO

WHO IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT A SPOILED BRAT

:) (: :)(: :)(: :)(:

Change of Hearts

2009-09-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

Hello me ! Long time no post so i decided to take some time off from studying and post an update :).

Well the past 1 and a half week or so have been quite eventful and super fun haha :)... Here's a sum of it XD.

Well the 20th was Hari Raya and it was super fun to have all my dearest friends come to my house to just eat and chat. I do apologise for not being such a good host because I had to run up and down all day !! I counted... i ran up and down the stairs about 54 times in 1 day. Omgosh... really tiring!! Haha but it was all worth it to see the smiles on my friends faces... except CANDICE CHOO! who was complaining that I favoured classmates more than bowling people just because one of the airconed rooms where empty and I gave it to my classmates... Haiz... You ah ! Full of complaints and always talking back to me! Tsk!. Haha everyone was having alot of fun playing with the Wii and X-box which i had to trade continuously between my room and my brothers... Their so lazy ! Kept asking me to switch the consoles whilst they just watched... sigh.. Oh well haha... Just for that day I shall ignore it :). Well after a tiring day it was all worth it because i managed to collect alot of donations from my dad's super generous friends! 1 Guy even gave me 50 bucks ! was sooo happy :) ! Most of them gave me 20.. I was expecting like 2 dollars omg... Then like WOAH 10x. Haha... I helped clement get some donations too.. I hope he appreciates it !!! hahahaha. Ok well that's for Hari raya.

Also later in the following week went to study with Jolene Pamela and Mark and MPL. I have to say it seemed quite sad that we had to sit in the childrens section as use the little stools as tables to do our work haha... But the atmosphere encouraged me to do alot of work ! :) Very happy that day. Though my wife sort of scolded me the next day for leaving the library before we got there. OH and that was the day Jolene and Pamela disowned me :(.... Only left with Joyce.. Sob T_T.... Well there's leslie and Jian Yu but their usually never around... sigh 1 child. Haha but later we made up and now were 1 big happy family again yay :).

Well now for the purpose of my title. Just simply put... You never know who you're true friends are haha. Some may seem so... but it's actually the quiet personalities that know you best and just because they don't ask you if you're ok everytime your not in school doesnt mean they don't care :). Love life. Live Life. Hope for more Life. <3 <3 <3 <3.

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."
- Anais Nin
Friend, I love you all :).

Video of the day:
SUPER STAR IN THE MAKING !

Test of Time

2009-09-16T01:09:00.000-07:00

Life is but a never ending journey because even after we move on to the afterlife, it's the impact we leave on the world that carriers our name through the endless ages. Has someone ever impacted your life so much until you sometimes cry for he/she is no longer? I have. Today I remembered her at the worst possible time, in school. I tried to control my thoughts but here I am typing it out. Well like today's civics said, sometimes blogging can help to alleviate the pressure and I always believe that you can only be happy once you've just said to someone or typed out your feelings. Of course I am a unusual person with a weird personality; but that's what makes me, me :). So yeah had this odd uneasy feeling almost the entire day because of this, my heart racing and my thoughts countless and relentless. Coupled with that I also just felt like someone was giving me the cold shoulder, and it bothered me so... until this very moment it still pierces through my mind. I just need to have verbal conformation or something. Which is precisely why i don't like hypocrites. I wish for once that I can attain conformation or I will keep thinking about this forever. I just wish this person would say I don't like you because of _______ or like i find you annoying, or something! Well that's why I appreciate people like Diane who are upfront and don't try to hide things from you. To me, it makes life so much more easier. I just wish this person would let me know if I did something wrong or if i am just impossible to be around. Haiz, nevermind, Think of the positive!! :).
However, I also felt very thankful for the friends that I have today. I trust every one of them with my life but now and again everyone has their doubts right? It is human nature to be intrigued by what people are gossiping just for the sake of knowing its not about you. That's why I think people love gossip the most. They want to know that it's not about them not that they care much for the actual gossip.

Hrm... I also realized that i can be very brutal and sharp in my words but i guess some people just want to live without knowing the truth. I always believe that I'd rather have a friend that would tell me straight in my face rather than lie to me and talk behind my back. But i am really sorry if I hurt anyone in doing so because of my lack of ability to understand that same people are just different from me. The reason why people do this, is so that they don't hurt your feelings. But actually, in doing so, you are. Haha but i guess i'm the only one who feels this way? because i think about everything and very critically which causes me to doubt myself and sometimes others. Oh well :).

Well i just felt that i should share this because of well nothing in particular but i just need to express myself.

I always observe the people around me and I find that there are usually 5 types of friends in this world:

1) Your best friend; someone who always care's for you and vice versa. Someone you can depend on. Someone you know will always be there. I used to have 2, but now...

2) The good friend: The person that show's care for you but only to a certain extent. They will be there but they don't know you well enough to read your true thoughts.

3) The "good" friend: The person that asks about you when you are sick, the person that asks you why you don't want to go out all in an effort just to be polite. They don't really think too much about it, and what's worst, is if they try to force you to go when actually they don't really care that much.

4) The "hi" friend: Just a passer by that knows practically nothing about you and just say's Hi and Bye. He/she exhibits neither hate nor love.

5) The worst friend: The one who lie's right to your face and later talks bad about you. Its also known as the hypocritical friend.

Of course society has evolved to this stage whereby there are many types of people and these are but a few versions of your friends perhaps. I know this of my friends. It is impossible to have everyone the your good friend or best friend because there will always be those "good" friends and the rest stated. Usually they are just your friends because of some kind of connection, e.g. classmates or CCAmates/ PDPmates. Well, that's just how I feel and many people have said im not normal... so yeah. Oh well.

The time you spent on this earth should be used to the best of its ability because you never know when you're gone. Time is like a river, it bends and turns and floods. It is impossible to always be showered with happiness because it is simply and impossibility. A positive person thinks of the negative and try's to look at it positively. The mere fact that he/she thought about the negative implicates that he/she was unhappy for but a brief moment of time. Being happy forever is just completely weird and inhuman. That's just what I think :/. Well that's how I treat myself, I try to think of the positive but sometimes I just can't. Oh well...

Well anyway, today someone told me that she cries when she blogs and it kinda got me feeling sad, somewhat. it just goes to show that everyone has problems and I should be a bigger person and look pass my own trivial issues to try to help others. That's one of the reasons i want to be a doctor but yeah... Well I told her she could always talk to me and she simply responded : "It would not help much". Thought i felt hurt at the moment. I think she was just telling me the truth and I should be thankful. Very thankful. How can I, someone who is usually feeling miserable and emo, etc, help someone else? Is it really possible. You can't help others if you first can't help yourself. Well i guess she is right. I should take a good look at the mirror try to understand my place in this world. Everyone was born for a reason, what determines that reason is what we do with what we have and how we effect the people around us.

Well that's it, my body is getting tired once again... So i shall go rest for a moment and start mugging again woo ! On the bright side, Hari Raya is coming soon and Im really happy about that :). Positive thinking.

Something i just wanted to say... :
The difference between can and cannot are only three letters. Three letters that determine your life's direction.

Being positive or negative are habits of thoughts that have a very strong influence on life.

Positive and negative are directions. Which direction do you choose?

Positive thinking is expecting, talking and visualizing with certainty what you want to achieve, as an accomplished fact.

Riches, mediocrity and poverty begin in the mind.

Reality is the mirror of your thoughts. Choose well what you put in front of the mirror.

The mind is the decisive factor in your life, but who decides for the mind?

A positive attitude brings strength, energy and initiative.

To think negatively is like taking a weakening drug.

Positive thoughts are not enough. There have to be positive feelings and positive actions.

When you say, "I can't" and expect the worst, you become weak and unhappy.

When you say "I can", and expect success, you fill yourself with confidence and happiness.

Being resolute, decisive and courageous in small matters and in big ones is being positive.

You can close the windows and darken your room, and you can open the windows and let light in. It is a matter of choice. Your mind is your room. Do you darken it or do you fill it with light?

Positive thinking and negative thinking are attitudes. They are points of view, and show the way people handle their affairs.

Suppose you stand at a crossroads, one way leads to a desert and the other one to lush meadows, which way do you choose?

Clear thoughts produce produce clear results.

Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative and more happiness.

Train your mind to think in terms of 'possible' and 'can be done'.

When you have control over your thoughts, you have control over your life.

Happy thoughts attract happy people into your life.

Happy thoughts fill your life with happiness.

Being bored :/

2009-09-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

Hello me, long time no deep thought XD.

Anyway nothing really interesting happened over the past few days. Hrm, lets see... Well i met Jess randomly and top man as she was looking for a gift for a friend. Expensive taste huh XD. Also i was just walking around parkway the other day and like 5 people trying to sell some chinese jinseng started talking to me... in chinese... i just said like @.@.. and kinda just said wo pu cha tao... dunno how to spell that so nvm. Haha and 2 taxi driver's thought i was chinese... I dont see how that is even remotely possible -_-. I mean indian ok... but chinese ??? Just because of the way I talk. I hate this prejudice that malays must have the "malay tone"... I know i don't really have it but i grew up in a family that speaks english 99% of the time so i guess that contributed to my voice tonality. Ok w/e. So yeah thats it for yesterday...

Wednesday went to study at airport with Jolene Jinyi and Leslie haha. Quite productive for me :D but at the same time quite... @.@.. Trying to teach Jolene math is so HARD. And whenever i said X (cube) she would laugh and i would be like ... lol ok... Well that jsut portrayed my failure as a teacher. Cancel that of my list...

Ok well since i have nothing interesting to blog about from now on i shall talk about the concept of money because i was thinking about it as i handed a note to the petrol station cashier to buy milk tea.

Money is something that we see people cowering over everyday. When you see a man walking his dog, he's probably thinking why did i spend my money on this dumb dog? When you see a housewife washing the dishes, she's probably thinking how much would my water bill cost? Is it more profitable to just eat from disposable plates? When you see the average student walking to the canteen, he's probably thinking, WHY THE HELL DID MY PARENTS WASTE MONEY TO SEND ME TO SCHOOL! I WANNA WIN 10000000 DOLLARS AT WCG SO MUST START PRACTICE NOW! So as you can see, money is a very complex unit of measurement that some person created so as to annoy the shit out of other people. Of course, anyone who say's i don't need money as long as i have _________ is probably lying.

Here are the few phrases that people say when they feel like they don't need money:
FSDS ( Frequently said denial statements)

FSDS 1 : I don't need money as long as I have you !
Actual thoughts: Omg where am I going to find an expensive enough valentines present

Basically saying this statement is just to tell the person you love that you DONT WANNA SPEND MONEY on them and they dont have to spend money on you.

FSDS 2 : Money does not make the world go round
Actual thoughts : The earth rotates on its own axis haha..... I <3 money

So you see this person is just trying to say that you don't need money to live your life. Well essentially you don't need money to live a GOOD life. The world itself has been made for man to live on, but now money is a prerequisite to living. Though you can be happy without money. Does not mean you can live without money. Perhaps you live a 3 day extremely happy life without money. Of course is not everything but nonetheless you need money.

FSDS 3 : (Upon receiving a gift) Aww it's the though the counts.
Actual thinking : WTH IS THIS NUB SHIT PRESENT ??!!! But still....

You see basically it is the thought the counts and that is what reaches the heart, not money. But if you just simply make something out of the goodness of your heart for your loved one sometimes it is not received as well. If you continually give them "from the heart present" then your just saying your not worth spending money on. Occasionally it is important to spend MONEY and get a nice gift. Just once.

FSDS 4 : Here you go charles! Sweet for children's day :)
Actual thinking: Why the hell is the school spending money to make children have cavaties.. Oh hehehe... wait those little demons have to miss a day of school :) :).

So you see even teachers the so called child lovers sometimes hate children because of money. They wonder why they are not being paid more whereas the children are getting money in the form of sweets. So you see money is somewhat evil in this sense because it creates a vicious cycle. But then we must remember the hard work the teachers labour through every day in order to teach their students. labour of Love <3. So they sometimes have a write to think as such.

In conclusion money is clearly a necessity in our lives because it has created and built upon the infrastructure that our ancestors developed. I myself will never say money is not important because its a blatant lie and i don't want to go to hell for such an insignifacant white lie :). So you see, saying money is important actually can send you to heaven ( If your not a murderer, pilferer, robber, lawyer, stock broker, garbage man, horse rider, assassin and whatever else.. i am too lazy to list down). Hence money is important though it is not everything :).

P.S Happy life =/= a long life sometimes. So don't burn your cash on the stove like the Germans :).

Joke of the day:
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
(Lawyers are evil and will go to hell :D)

Video of the day: Contributed by Anthony Low :D

The awesome japanese :D

The inevitable

2009-09-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

Well its been about 8 months into the school year and just like any class the inevitable has happened. I have seen it occur so many times until it's just so pissing. In my friends classes, in my old classes , everywhere. Its just so -_-. I guess this is just the why school life goes right :). you'll only remember the times with some friends and you forget the rest... because that's what happens all the time. inevitable.

Well today was so sian because BIO was quite @.@ and draggy because the topic itself was not as interesting as compared to others. so i jsut sat next to ahmed and thought while he tried to cloud my mind with his retarded thoughts and of "What he thinks of in the shower"... wth -_-. Apparently he hates liars alot :/ Well i hate despise hypocrites :). Dunno what's wrong with them but that's just me haha. I just don't enjoy being around with people that do these kind of things. If you don't like someone don't pretend you do. Although i have to admit sometimes even I do it but my tolerance is only so high. And when i make it so obvious i despise someones company its like... they become somewhat oblivious. Kinda ridiculous. Well anyway JC life is full of hypocrites and the only thing you can do is ignore them. But i can't. It's just part of my nature. I don't want people to be that way.

Ok so besides that the class is very evidently erm _________. so w/e. Well i have a feeling it always starts with 1 person not liking the other then... as time goes on.. people form clicks. Never really liked clicks. I always believed everyone should be included... everyone normal and human that is... Hence some slightly less evolved beings are inevitably not included. Well anyway that brings me to another time of person i don't like at all. "The hopper". In retrospect, someone keeps switching clicks because they feel left out in their first one for some reason. My world is full of hoppers :). But there's nothing anyone can do about that right so yeah. Still it kinda makes you sad if you think about it because then your original click will think something has gone wrong. Well that has happened to me countless of times it's just normal now but still annoying. Well i guess im actually a horrible person considering i don't like so many kinds of people... But its better to be honest than to lie about something as trivial as this. Just had to vent it out because of the things happening around...

Besides that today was piano exam and it was totally sad yet ok. SIGHT READING turned out to be my best area... hit 100%... was so happy haha. Then my pieces had breaks... sigh. and my scales CMI... rly CMI.. sian

Well me and leslie waited in school for Jolene and then went to his house. Very fun there :). WE played wii and jolene failed at some haunted mansion shooting game. lol. her points were always lower than leslies by like 10k + -_-
and leslies was only 25k...
imagine. That was really fun :)

Ok well to end off this rather ramblish and slightly whiny post. The inevitable has happened and well i feel really sad but its expected. People are strange beings who are just meant to flock in a feather. Yet they don't really realize the flock that they belong too. Soon they fly away and forget where they nested because as time flies... people flies..

BUT, there will always be those few precious people who stay in your life forever. But when they get affected by what youre feeling. You're world will inevitably come to an end even if you don't realise it. haha hoppers...hypocrites. :)

Just to say thanks to the people i <3 and no thanks to the hoppers and hypocrites for a lousy depiction of human behaviour :) :)... haha so sarcastic. Oh well

Nights all :)

Remembering the times

2009-09-03T06:28:00.000-07:00

Well update :D.

Yesterday was rather eventful and tiring.... Stayed back after school to do WR and was I was so upset because Mr Quek, out of some kind of insane boredom, drew a weird picture of me with fangs and spiky hair. Really pissed about it. Well i scolded him later when i followed Jian Yu and Joyce to go for their consultation haha. He was @.@... Gladys did it!. But i dont really trust him... trust gladys alot more hahah :D in some sense.. :D. Then Joyce was so nice to walk me to the school gate since her consultation didnt start yet. Thanks Joyce :D :D!!. Leslie ps me -_-. Still angry at him. So many times ps me alrdy. haiz.

Also later at night had a league... Bowled like a tremendous retard... Sry Freddy!! Dont scold me :(

Ok then for today well... I was rather silent throughout the day because i was busy thinking of things... Barely listened during econs because if i do im sure i would fall asleep. Such a boring subject! Man i wish they offered art :(!. Mean TJ... Ah well no use crying over it considering i decided to come TJ myself. So anyway barely spoke to any1 today except for like Hakim after Malay class and all... No idea where Ahmed went oh well. Oh and had t ogo xray today.. Sian. Suppose to start at 1.. i waited till 2 45 -_-... waste my time. And I was so embarrassed because my mum went to go and scold the counter lady for like an entire 10 mins... (mini lecture) lol!. Thats it lor.

Oh on the way back from hospital i stumbled over like a family of caterpillars or something... there were like 8. weird... Well then later at 7 went to go meet Lin for dinner and break fast because like there wasnt any food at home and my mum forgot to tell me to eat out... -_-.

Well rather excited because College bowl is coming up and i get to bowl with my duaghters :D. Yay !

I remember that time,
It was not long ago,
Yet the more i reach,
The further i go,
How i wish i could return,
But there lay a door i can never breach,
Silence hounds me in turn.
Please return me... To that time
where i hadnt this burn.
please.....

Ok joke of yesterday:
Adnaan: Where's Jolene ah?
Leslie: She's hidingfrom Jinyi because she jinyi touched a snail -_-.
Adnaan: Wth...
(Jolene appears later)
Jolene: ee dont touch me!! You touched a snail
Jinyi: Come here jolene :D
(Jolene and Jinyi run around the table like little kids)
(Gladys didnt know what was going on... oblivious....)

Video of yesterday! :D Contributed by HK ....

Joke of today:
We suprised Gladys on her Bday... but she kinda knew -_-... Jokes on us... Hope she enjoyed it though XD !

Video of today:

Unexpected breakdown.

2009-08-29T03:33:00.001-07:00

Well today SUCKS. I wanted so badly to go to school and meet with Mr Quek regarding my EoM because it is totally screwed. Really sad. And i think i messaged him quite late.. considering i woke up at 9 and my meeting was at 9 15. So i felt really bad i made him go school early for no reason. Sigh. Horrid. Im typing now hoping that my ridiculously painful headache will subside after i break fast... hope is the key.

Well anyway yesterday was kind of cool i guess. training was really odd. It has been proven that when i bowl with MX i bowl 1000x better than when i bowl with the chicken. Oh well. haha. Oh and Sorry Jia Min And Sabrina for bullying u ! It was all in good fun :) Don't take it to heart yeah haha.

I saw someone yesterday :) Was so happy! XD. But im still kinda sad i cant eat with my class for lunch for another 3 weeks... yes 3 weeks!! Darn. Haha but the end of Ramadhan means that i can ask people to come to my house woooo :D :D. Oh and today someone very unexpected messaged me haha... hrm it came as such a shock that i feel like there is something bigger going on... thats just me.. thinking too much, as always.

Well i havent done an ounce of work because of this fever and here i am blogging... i guess i probably should start now or i might become stupid haha. Stupid headache :/.

Byeee :D.
Joke of yesterday: Contributed by Jess
Jess: EEEEE got spider :( :(...
Adnaan: Its a piece of ash. (steps on ash)
Jess: EE U RELEASE HERE BABIES!! ARGH. (With 100% sincerity and no sense of joking.)
Adnaan: o.o... wth... o.o....

Remember that destroying ash may cause your friends to freak out.

Joke of today:
Contributed by random guy who came my house he shall be called Mr X
Mr X: (Runs into my house)
Mr X: Imm heree !
1 second after,
Mr X trips over his own leg rolls... hits the table and trips me. Omg. On top of that, Mr X manages to CONTINUE rolling and eventually ALMOST rolls over my innocent cat. THe amazing adventures of Mr X... to be continued.

Video of the day:

Be not afraid to pursue the impossible,
just because someone says you can't,
Doesn't mean that he can,
Prove the world wrong,
And never give up,
Because there's always someone,
Waiting for you to succeed.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Invisible fields

2009-08-27T04:38:00.000-07:00

Ever felt like running free? Away from the the criticisms and prejudice of the world? I feel like that today. Irrational thoughts dance through the shrouded mists that lay dormant within my world. I wish i could just break free from this. I haven't felt like this since someone dear to me left me alone... The feeling is unbearable and queer.

Its been affecting my school life, my friends around me and almost everything i try to do. Can't stop thinking... argh! the world has a cruel way of playing mind games on me and all i can do is tolerate and persevere... Fruitless, effortless, nothingness, feelings that cloud my judgement and cause unwanted misconceptions. I have to stop this nonsense... i promised her. :)

Well anyway getting back to school life, today was better than yesterday in many ways. I felt open for once and the weight on my shoulders has been alleviated. How i relish this feeling. It's all thanks to some people whom i consider dear to my heart <3. Thank you all... Joyce, Jolene, Jinyi, Leslie. Thanks for making my darkened days seem a little brighter :). But i guess i really have to thank Jolene because she's confronted with a similar situation. We both can understand each other, this feeling, this indescribable putrid feeling. Talking to her is always entertaining :). Leslie my punching bag and my little friend XD. Always asking me if I'm ok :). Jinyi the little princess (ok for once i shall call you this) always trying to make me feel better though in the most austere of ways. Joyce, surprisingly today, talking to her made me feel a lot less stressed Maybe it's because it's one more person i can really talk to. Haha though i have all my great friends not only these 4 precious people, i find myself wondering why i am so sad, stressed, uneasy. I should be happy :).. Cant explain.

Well on the bus ride home i had a nice short talk with jinyi after leslie alighted. I think she's right :). This feeling i have isn't worth shedding tears or wasting my time in anguish and frustration. I should just leave it be, but that's not like me... I can't help but think of the effect on others... i'm really confused now :/... But i will still try to break down this invisible wall created by my own delusions. So thanks for that Jinyi :D.

Haha i also met a really old friend today :). Hana! lol how ironic considering Miss Poh was just telling us abt the HANA glycoproteins on influenza ( ok nerd....). Haha it was nice to see her again after so long. I asked her to go to a movie wid john and Sumaila too :)... Can't wait!

So all in all, the days passed and now have kind of been really confusing and difficult for me :/ But i'm sure there are others worst off, I should be thinking about them :).

Anyway jokeS of the day: Contributed by Joyce
Joyce: I wanna name my son Rafiel and my daughter Aerial!
Adnaan & Jolene: O.O

Video of the day :D :
So extremely touching. everyone can shine :D. This really brought a file to my face... (Not sure what weird language this is @.@!) Never give up hope. Dedicated to Ger... Wish u were here...

Relish the feeling

2009-08-26T04:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was totally fun :) we went for dance haha! Me and my 3 daughters yay ;). Mummy didnt go because she signed up for kayaking instead... ah well. Anyway, seeing mark dance was really entertaining :) and i was weird too haha. Alemap was like owning us all with her impressive split which only she could do during stretching. I struggled so hard! I recognised some cheerleaders there too! from Sharon's class :).
So all in all it was a really fun day and one of the best ive had in a long time. I gave joyce a lift to around my area so she could take bus home.. Thats was fun :) Finally got to talk more with her 1 on 1... apparently she thinks im emo if i dont talk haha.. I guess i really do talk too much... But now i find myself silent... w/e..

Pictures are on jolenes blog :)

Oh yes joke of the day for yesterday (weird sentence) :
Again from Mark....

(Look at picture for clear understanding)

Mark: Wow look at that guys screen! It's so big you can watch HD movies on it!!
Adnaan: What? OH LOL...
Hakim: (Asleep again....lazy bastard)

Ok so now today...
Today i felt really disconnected and somewhat away from reality. I only really talked to like 4 people today... the rest was just a 1 minute convo or something...
Ever had that feeling like someone is talking about you but you just don't know? Or if people are avoiding you but you don't know why? Im having that feeling almost everyday... I thought it would go away but it still lingers on in my head.. never ending... endless... Well i dont know for sure but im usually right about these things but i wish i was wrong.... My heart seems so drowned in sorrow although i have nothing to be sad about... Maybe it's just the feeling of no belonging. For one thing im kinda of the "click-less" person in class because i always like to mingle with everyone... so i guess it's kinda of my fault that i dont really have a few people to really turn too... Everyone's "clicks" seem to be getting stronger and i dont seem to be able to fit anywhere. I feel like im shattered into pieces and nobody wants to reassemble me. Im not trying to sound needy and i don't have attention issues but well.... yeah. Just a feeling i guess :/.

The my best friend isnt with me anymore and now i don't really think i have one. Maybe i do or maybe i don't because my other best friend doesnt really talk to me anymore... sigh. I don't have anyone to lie on when i am weak and nobody to talk to me when i am sad... though i have friends in school i dont know why i feel this way. Subconscious need for attention? Perhaps. What a lousy character i have. Ah well. Wow typing this out really makes me feel better :). Still feel the same. Everyday. Everytime. I'm surrounded by people yet im so alone. Whats the matter... I dont know.. :(

Well i training today did cheer me up a little... though candice criticized my bowling capabilities... Evil person ... :(. haha but i teased her too so all's fair. Also i was angry at leslie for pangsehing me twice today!! And leaving me in one of the worst possible predicaments.. grrr. Ah well everyone has a life i guess :/. Ah well i think i rahter not talk anymore or people may think i've become emo... and i talk rather too much. Only 1 person in class really told me that and i really appreciate it. This person also told me smth else that made me realise things about myself that i couldnt see. This post is a perfect example... talking about me only.. Oh well. Just need to rattle on about this somewhere.

Though i did find a video today that made me smile a little haha. :D

Btw joke of the day: Contributed by Jinyi
Adnaan: You're always trying to act pretty haha :)
Jinyi: I dont act... :(
Jinyi: Its a fact!
Adnaan: (self laughter)
Adnaan: ok la haha :).

Relish the feeling that you have
because you will never know when hope is lost
and everyone around you looks the other way
because nobody can stay happy forever

All we can do is hope for tomorrow
because today has gone away
We need to lose ourselves
In order to find ourselves again.

2009-08-24T00:51:00.000-07:00

style="font-size:180%;">3rd post! Yay :D.

Well first thing come home... blog... wtf? Maybe thats just for now :) I will probably get bored... and like blog once a week later on in life... But for now, i shall continue blogging regardless :).

Today was kind of boring :/ First 2 periods was a bore... Econs omg... 2 periods of him is killing me... i'll probably spontaneously combust on thursday. I couldnt do my math during the lesson :/... sigh, unproductive.

Well then later during break and periods after that i was very productive :)... yay i finished math. I hate math. Math is boring. Econs is boring too. But econs is fun i think... Mr fazli was frustrated that we only went through like 3 parts of questions during math haha !! Hes gonna go at super speed tmr... doomeed... considering i dun like math and dont get it either...

Well then was lunch where me and ahmed were sitting at the table together with denise pamela and natasha... He was playing Mafia Wars on my phone... wtf.... lol. Denise and nat were "fasting" haha... doubt they can pull it off but peseverance is the key to success... :). w/e. Alemap (pamela) was eating right in front of me @.@ and im fasting! But its ok haha considering i asked her to sit down lol... but still !!! :).

Oh and i just remembered today morning jolene was so mean to me :(... she called me a himbo! Well alot of people do. But when ure daughter says that... it hurts :(. Haha jk jk. But she and Han Kuan were laughing at me for i dont know what reason... very annoying. Oh but later she send me a very sweet note saying "From your daughter and Son, with love <3 size="5">EVIL EVIL story abt how my cat hates me and i have that i hace thick eyebrows... I mean i know that la but its so mean! They emphasized it so much... She dragged leslie into my scolding (which wasnt exactly a scolding). Leslie still has not accepted his ties to our family. Sigh very sad. Oh and apparently Jian Yu is my brother instead of son now.. odd.. Ee i just realised this is so NSK but its so fun haha... Entertaining :).

Lastly my lonely trip home.... whenever i go home alone weird things happen to me :(. There was a lady selling tissue who was chasing me! omg very scary. Then when i walked home from the mrt like 4 rats ran in front of me and i almost dropped my phone into the canal zz... Also some weird lady almost drove her bicycle into me... What's weird is the fact that it happened just as i walked out of the MRT... -_- bad things... Alemap and joyce had remedial and jian yu and leslie went for tennis so i had nobody to go back with. Jolene wanted to crash her friends house.. Boo her.

Ok that's all for today. Btw joke of the day contributed by Mark,

During Econ's lesson,
Mark writes down on his foolscap, "Market Structure"
Mark: Yay! Now i don't have to write down my name anymore.
Adnaan: huh? .... OH wth -_-.... haha
Hakim: (Busy creating his master plan to make me seem evil) Haha!

Video of the day:

Memories are the time's you choose to keep
it's something we hold on to
when all hope seems lost
and all our time spent seems like our only redemption".

2009-08-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

PW is over for today WOOOO !!

Now im listening to the banter of the weirdest dude from acsi wow. He who shall not be named.

I had to edit the convo out :(. so uninteresting. Anyway for his sake i dont mind doing it i guess. Ah well. haha guess ill post more next time :D.

2009-08-23T01:57:00.000-07:00

First post!

Doing pw.... everyone is extremely stressed an Jinyi is complaing alot. Suprising considering she is not "the whine" omg (look below). Gladys is the only one still doing work now... I sort of finished though my part wasnt so hard :). Weeee aree sooo lucky to have gladys as a leader because she is so super hard working :D :D :D. So we can all slack a little.

Ok thats all for this super short first post because i have to continue with pw. Oh well.

XOXO.