Well just got back from Turkey and thought that i would post something just to start of the new year. I know i havent been posting at all... not that i have any readers but yeah just needed a place to vent.
WEll with the coming of the new year i decided to try to change my mindset a little. On the plan back and forth, I thought to myself what was the main cause of my unhappiness at times? And the answer is... wait for it... wait who is waiting? Lol. Nvm. Anyway its paranoia. The idea of people keeping stuff from me when actually there is no secret. Albeit most of the time it is true and yeah people are keeping stuff from me sometimes it isnt. SO why bother thinking at all? Why? because Im Adnaan. Haha. Simple facts. Well anyway i decided to attempt to go on my hiatus which is to be completely positive because someone one told me a story that got me thinking. There's always someone much worst of and we should be thankful :). I guess the root of it all stems from my undying need to know everything around me because i fear the unknown and I hate feeling insecure. I guess I just have to accept that people will be willing to tell me whatever it is when they are ready and if they dont, no big deal. Their problems are theirs and mine are mine.... not that i have any problems that are even remotely interesting let alone worthy of a post. (Me whining basically). So anyway just had this idea whilst watching romance shows in the plane (I know strange right.... lol), I decided its time to admit my past and move on. Don't overthink things and dont feel like everyone is out to get you. Easier said then done but this is my endeavour and I hope i can succeed :).
I use to care about things like when people don't realise its me talking and just another friend like in SMS's and stuff. Always thought maybe they dont know me that well or dont want to know me. especially those that are close to me i guess if the shoe was on the other foot there is a possibility that i wouldnt be able to even tell that it was someone else that was typing for them on msn or SMS though there are subtle differences. Haha. Well actually that's a lie. I've never been wrong once (humble much?). But its true. Well anyway i guess i should just embrace the unknown and not think about what lead to it when people are ready they will say it.
Overall :) Its time to be a much much much more positive person and have a positive outlook on life. Live life for me and not for others. As my best friend once said "When you get caught in a fish net, all you have to do is pull your thoughts and yourself together and calm down and you will eventually get out". I know lame much right? Haha but she is the most important person to me ever since and always will be. Yeah.
Well moving on from that, just wondering. I wonder what people think of me? haha :). Ah well better not get too caught up in everything again or i will probably get stuck in square one for the rest of my life.
Anyway biggest change of all, it's time to differentiate my feelings and my emotions. Im too out there and im too open especially to guys. Wrong thing to do. Probably the main reason why alot of people think I'm gay so I cant blame anyone for saying so its my own fault anyways. So yeah. It's time to stop the smiles to guys which makes me seem so gay apparently and stop chatting so much more to them. Strange but yeah i guess that's partially one of the reasons for my many breakups sigh :(.
Anyway i guess everyone knows i like someone. But i guess its never meant to be maybe i should just go with the person who likes me and be happy because i love em too... honestly... I think. Not sure lol. My emotions are akin to that of a primary school kid going through menstruation or something (yes thats a girl thing but yeah i have no other analogy). Ah well its time to let go... and move on.
"As the times change people change" - Ger.
Anyway to finish everything off just wanted to type out something i wrote in the plane which is totally retarded but i might as well put it somewhere for the memories because i will most likely forget it lol and the paper most probably get lost anyways :).
In the light of the moon,
a shaded figure stands; alone,
drenched in sin of his own doing,
Nothing had been wrong,
Everything was right,
His thoughts clouded his sight,
As the moon vanished,
and the sun began to rise,
all that was left,
was but a puddle,
semblance of the dead sea,
taken by his own,
unmercifully,
unwilling,
yet expected.
"Live your life for you and not for others"
