When i decided to finally read broader perspectives as it was collating dust much like a pile of archives in the deepest darkest corner of the library, I discovered how interesting and mind boggling not forgetting ambivalent the magazine was. Though ironically, the first one that I happen to open was about the emolution of our generation. There are so many pervasive and comprehensive views and arguments being brought up to the extent that it managed to culminate in me a desire to read more. Too anyone who possess this visceral and pragmatic edition of the magazine, I strongly encourage you to spare a few moments of your time reading it.
Strange how i feel that my life has always been emo but in reality... There are others with problems far more challenging and intimidating than any trivial and truthfully boring thing in my life. Just as i compared my life to a cacophony of noise and dissonance I find myself wodnering whter if all those days of woe and despair were actually worth it. The answer is arguably a Yes and a No; still unable to make a decision on whether being emo is what defines me or if being emo is what dilutes me. At the end of the day, I find myself swimming in a pool of dark thoughts, largely unnecessary, which actually don't deserve my time of day. As for the people around me, some just end up breaking me whilst others help build me up, people like Joey, Freddy, Jolene, Joyce, Justin to name a few and many many others. Maybe its a balance. Ying and Yang? I think not. Anyway nowadays, i find myself purged of disdainful thoughts and "santified with blurness". Its rather interesting but at the same time utterly confusing. Ah well, it's like listening to the cacophonic melody of parents arguing over divorce or being diagnosed with conditions that only god can control. You wonder if your life truly fair and then it begins. Thank god for my friends who have kept me away from the eternal abyss of apocalyptic thoughts. Thanks friends :). I've been using emoness as a shroud for far too long; exacerbating my existing problems over nothing and losing all rational thought due to this undying urge to just be angry or upset at SOMETHING or SOMEONE. No point using emo as a scapegoat anymore and time to face reality no matter how much i wanna stick my head into the ground.
Though i find it patronizing when people define depression or melancholy as "emoness". Is it wrong to be sad at times? The answer is a vehement no. Why do people sometimes chose to categorize those who have experienced the unbearable fate of lost as emo people? The sheer velocity of this trend is beginning to make me question the existence of rational thought in society itself. Sometimes, people just have to be sad for it is impossible to remain happy all the time unless you're like santa calus on drugs or something!. You see what defines a sad person and differentiates him from an emo person is the very thing that makes them so simillar i.e the cause of their despair. There are those who moan, groan and refuse to pick themselves up and then there are those who take it in their stride. Just because i feel like being alone does not classify me as emo but what i would it, in a stage of acceptance. Its easier to accept certain things and challenges in life by understanding our own juxtaposition in life and to do that, we are, most of the time self-isolated AKA emo characteristic no. 1. Blogging about this seems rather ironic considering I am supposed to be an "emo" kid based on my friends judgments and observations. And you know what? I really can't say that their wrong. As an 'emo" kid I would just say that emo kids have, at times, a tendency or need to be alone solely because they want somebody to care or somebody to just ask them are you okay? Whilst i think there's nothing wrong with that, I guess it's time to stop this felonious act to get attention from the very people who chose to ignore me. Maybe it's because they don't really relate to emo people, in other words, its my fault. And well it's time for a change :). My flagrant disregard for other peoples emotions has resulted in things that I can not take back and hence, I am truly sorry to those who I have betrayed or hurt.
Woah... back to reality Ad! haha.
anyway bye bye for now
Missing u deeply when i needed you the most, my bf.
