Haha decided to blog today because well... Had some free time in general haha :).
These past few day's i've been feeling really weird in general... I can't even put my finger on what i've been feeling but I know one things for sure. The person i trusted the most doesn't really care haha. So whatever.. Move on with life and just ignore everything i suppose right? Haha nvm smiles all around. :) I bet he didn't even read that letter totally and just stared at it blankly. Expressionlessly and emotionlessly. I totally regret my decision but you know it was good whilst it lasted. Haha Still oblivious to what I'm feeling I've decided to just completely end this friendship in a way and be dead to em. Haha nvm. Its so much better this way. I just couldn't accept it at the start i suppose but now everything is clear. How i wish she was here and how i wish reality wasn't the truth. If only our roles were reversed. It's ok though I'll be joining her soon i suppose? Nvm musn't give up though i've lost all i'm fighting for... There isn't any reason left for me to stay anyway. So i'm almost dead and gone. Something new and someone new will reveal itself.
Wow everytime i feel like i want to post something that is remotely happy i end up blogging something emo so I can withstand my fake smile when i'm around everyone else. But every time i see that person with other people and completely ignoring me my heart just shatters into a million pieces; I was true to em, always with em and thought he would always be there for me but I guess i seriously was wrong. Crap rambling about the same thing yet again. Guess I just need to do this to release some of my negative energy so that I can remain positive... Rather odd. I don't really mind though since nobody really cares and there isn't a need for one. You can really only rely on youreself. When she was around it was easier to breathe knowing I had at least one person to rely on. Everyone since then has only been a liar especially HIM. Can't tell what he's thinking but I'm tired of trying and tired of caring. No more sms's, no more tears, no more feelings. Its all pointless. I need to change my focus for the time i've left.
life sucks ttm. FML
